The Under Dog

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The Under Dog

The Under Dog

October 9, 2014

 

This is a bit of a strange subject I know because it’s one I’ve lived.

Let me explain and expose my true feeling and emotions on the subject.

I left school with NO exam result, NOTHING, ZERO. I started my work life as the underdog; I had to work hard for every penny in manual jobs. I did for a long time, thinking that’s my lot.

Life moves us in different directions, often not planned or even thought of. I am that person.

I was labelled at school as a “Special Needs” kid because I didn’t and still don’t learn in a traditional way, and to be fair to the teachers they were taught to teach one way and didn’t really know any other way. I know I had some great teachers but the information never really went in as it should do. Does this make me thick? NO

I’ve fought thought-out my life to become a better more educated person and I believe we are intelligent in so many different ways. I’ve seen top university students who are far more superior to me in intellect pull a door when it clearly states push and continue to do so looking a little confused.( I did laugh just a little)

I still struggled everyday with learning IF I’m not interested or if it is not presented in a way I understand, I want to bring this to you attention because as many of you know I face my fears and I don’t care that much if people agree or disagree with me. I’m writing this to help people like myself who may think they struggle to take information in.

Let me ask you a question do you look, listen of feel you understand information?

I’m a very visual person, I like to see information. I learn a lots from books and video’s however if someone gave me an audio to listen to I may not take that information in as quickly. We ALL learn in our own way. I believe that we all are intelligent. I know a builder who can’t read or write but if I need a wall building I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone else because he’s simply a brilliant bricky, I need my kitchen roof plastered ,again I will ask my friend who has done work for me in the past, will I ask him a math question or anything, NO. He can plaster and is bloody good at what he does, that to me is all I need to know. He is good at what he does and how he learnt that trade or skill is no business of mine. He works on results, the end product or finish just like me!

So I guess in summery I asking you to step back and not judge someone before you really understand and know their skills, I’m not great at spelling but I can help someone get rid of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) , I can help people to lose weight, gain control of anxiety and panic attacks among a whole list of things.

Before you judge someone have your facts and prejudging filter off because that person could be more skilled that you give them credit for.

From Adam who some people used to think I was thick and stupid, and for those of you who think I still am BRING IT ON!

Go out there and be the best you !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

http://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


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The Comfort Zone

January 6, 2014

The Comfort Zone

Do you spent a lot of time in your comfort zone? It is nice and safe and we don’t have to do what we don’t really want to do!

However, is that useful or healthy?

I’d like you to think back to the last lesson you really learnt in your life, have a good think.

At the time was that an easy or hard lesson to learn?

I’ve found in my life and speaking to people, the general feeling on this subject is that we only learn real lesson when in life things are not going so well, our backs are against the wall so to speak.

The great thing is we come though those times with some information of great value even if at the time it life seemed to be very hard or you were in a tough situation.

We spend a lot of time in our comfort zones day to day and that makes us very unsure of dipping our toes outside of it, it’s a bit scary at times. You may have to face your fears or do something you wouldn’t normal have or like to do. For some people that can be speaking up to the boss or applying for a new job. We make our comfort zones so you will know where yours is and what things may be outside of that.

This time of year lot of people are thinking about stepping out of their zone, for example if you want to get fit going to the gym can seem very intimidating because people think they are full of thin fit looking people and they will look silly or out of place. The reality is most people are plugged into their MP3 players and are uninterested who is around them.

Geoff Thompson has a great saying “There is no growth in comfort.” I have to say I agree on a person level. I had to learn lots of hard lessons and step out of my cosy comfort zone. It has made me the person I am. My comfort zone is now bigger but I know I need to keep stepping outside that and challenging myself to continue my growth.

A perfect example of this is doing this is training courses. When I started learning NLP, Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy I had to step the furthest out of my comfort zone that I have done for a while.

Why?

I had old limiting beliefs that I couldn’t learn easily and was a bit thick. I had many wonderful wobbles and near melt downs on that journey and now I’m so glad it was hard because the wonderful reward that is now the job I love means so much more to me.

I regularly go on training courses with some of the best know trainer s in the UK and the world, guess what to do this I have to step out of that nice comfort zone and a mix with some highly intelligent people which always makes me wobble a bit! But I know I have to push myself and go, it gives me so much growth and inner self belief after the courses. Yes I was feeling nervous and apprehensive. I think to myself, will I be brainy enough to understand everything or will I ask the right questions without sounding stupid?

The reality is yes I can mix with these people and hold a conversation without them looking at me for sounding silly. My training and continue study and self-development has pushed me to become a person of knowledge and someone who will continue to push myself to feel uncomfortable in order to grow as a person.

How do you promote growth in your life?

If you want one to one help please contact me.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


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Provocative Change Works

 

Provocative Change Works

First published on April 15, 2013

I’ve just attended a Nick Kemp workshop called “Provocative Change Works” or PCW

I wasn’t really sure about the approach to this kind of therapy as it is something I’ve never done before. I’d seen Nick working using this method online and I just didn’t get what was going on. I knew Nick was a world-class therapist so something was going on but what?

Having found the venue in Swindon I found out that most of the attendees were doing the PCW workshop as part of their ongoing  NLP Master Practitioner course and a few like me were there to just learn about PCW. I was made to feel very much welcome by the host of the training Tony Nutley from UK College of Personal Development.

While sat listening to Nick he started the learning process in a very humoured manner explaining everything in an easy to understand way, no big unnecessary words (phew). I instantly liked the PCW approach and Nick’s relaxed yet informative manner. It was a lot of fun right from the off. Nick did the first live one to one demo session of around 25 minutes. The demo was with a real issue that Nick knew nothing about beforehand. I sat, watched and listened.

Nick then started to breakdown the session using the 27 PCW stances and explaining what and why he used one or another. I was surprised just how many times he changed stances with ease and no effort, it just seem to flow in a very natural and easy way. It was more like a chat with a mate than therapy, or that is the perception. Once the subtleties are exposed I began to see what a very simple but fantastic way of working this is.  I thought “Now this is something I can use”.

What I also found interesting is that it was put into the NLP training as it really does grind some NLPers up the wrong way. It doesn’t fit into their way of working at first.  I decided before hand to go in and learn with an open mind, I wasn’t even thinking about NLP.  The demo subjects struggled against the approach a bit, and some even said it made them feel a little angry. It wasn’t the therapy making them angry but their own fame of working and being totally taken out of it to the point of confusion. This was just simply brilliant work by Nick. He knew exactly what and why he was doing it even if the demo subjects didn’t. I love the fact the host asked Nick to come and do the PCW training on a NLP course, talk about throwing in a proverbial spanner in the works. Great move Tony!

I am pleased to report the demos were explained and people started, like me, to really understand to inner working to the PCW approach. Nick did four live demo’s throughout the day and each one I was captivated by Nicks work and the subject reactions and feedback. At times it was tear rolling funny, even more if the subject was trying to worm out of things a bit, Nick wanted to elicit more information and was also testing for hesitation from the client. Nick also used Ericksonian language to great effect.

When Nick adopts a different stance in the sessions it moves the client’s “Perceptual Position” which then caused the subject to react in a different way with every change in stance. Nick also used a lot of “Time Framing” work to great effect, and confusing the subject. This takes them out their frame of thought. All of these things were going on; their heads were spinning at the end of the 25 minutes. They look confused, unsure, tired and it was left like that. It was funny to watch and humour was used to great effect.

People think because it is “Provocative” then it must aggressive but this far from the truth, it is all done in friendly banter and with a twinkle in the eye. It does provoke change but in a very nice if what confusing (for the subject) way. All 4 subjects reported a change in the way the problem or ex problem was now perceived the next day in the follow-up sessions. It got the desired result for the subject. I think that is the important bit; it doesn’t really matter to subject how it happened. That is what client comes for in therapy, a good result.

This is the start of an excited journey using and exploring this PCW work with my clients to help them even more. I’m still unpacked the information from the weekend and will let you know how I’m getting on with it. I still have 2 DVD’s to study yet, so more work is going to begin. I know that my learning is just starting with this way of working but i’ve got a good feeling that this really will be a big part of any therapy I do from now on.

I know that this training will make me a better therapist, and the fact that I had solid foundation with all of my training from the beginning has also without doubt helped me get where I am today.

A big thank you to Nick Kemp for a truly wonderful weekend of learning and Tony Nutly for being a great host and all round nice guy.

Nick’s PCW Link

http://www.provocativechangeworks.com/

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog

Adam

http://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


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The Brain

 

The Brain

First published on December 5, 2012

 

The Cerebrum

The cerebrum or cortex is the largest part of the human brain, associated with higher brain function such as thought and action. The cerebral cortex is divided into four sections, called “lobes”: the frontal lobe, parietal lobe, occipital lobe, and temporal lobe.

What do each of these lobes do?

Frontal Lobe- associated with reasoning, planning, parts of speech, movement, emotions, and problem solving

Parietal Lobe- associated with movement, orientation, recognition, perception of stimuli

Occipital Lobe- associated with visual processing

Temporal Lobe- associated with perception and recognition of auditory stimuli, memory, and speech

The Cerebellum

The cerebellum, or “little brain”, is similar to the cerebrum in that it has two hemispheres and has a highly folded surface or cortex. This structure is associated with regulation and coordination of movement, posture, and balance.

The cerebellum is assumed to be much older than the cerebrum, evolutionarily. What do I mean by this? In other words, animals which scientists assume to have evolved prior to humans, for example reptiles, do have developed cerebellums. However, reptiles do not have neocortex.

Limbic System

The limbic system, often referred to as the “emotional brain”, is found buried within the cerebrum. Like the cerebellum, evolutionarily the structure is rather old.

This system contains the thalamus, hypothalamus, amygdala, and hippocampus. Here is a visual representation of this system, from a midsagittal view of the human brain

Thalamus
It is sort of a relay station to parts of the brain. This controls information.

Thalamus- a large mass of gray matter deeply situated in the forebrain at the topmost portion of the diencephalon. The structure has sensory and motor functions. Almost all sensory information enters this structure where neurons send that information to the overlying cortex. Axons from every sensory system (except olfaction) synapse here as the last relay site before the information reaches the cerebral cortex

Hypothalamus

This adjusts the body to keep it optimally adapted to the environment, plus also long tem memory.
Hypothalamus- part of the diencephalon, ventral to the thalamus. The structure is involved in functions including homeostasis, emotion, thirst, hunger, circadian rhythms, and control of the autonomic nervous system. In addition, it controls the pituitary.

Amygdala
Amygdala- part of the telencephalon, located in the temporal lobe; involved in memory, emotion, and fear. The amygdala is both large and just beneath the surface of the front, medial part of the temporal lobe where it causes the bulge on the surface called the uncus. This is a component of the limbic system.

Hippocampus
Hippocampus- the portion of the cerebral hemisphers in basal medial part of the temporal lobe. This part of the brain is important for learning and memory . . . for converting short term memory to more permanent memory, and for recalling spatial relationships in the world about us a coronal view of the hippocampus.

This blog is only a over view, it does not go into all area’s of the brain otherwise the blog would be 100’s if not 1000’s of pages long!!!!!

I hope it made your brain think a little deep than before !

Please Note: I am not trained in neuroscience, this is what I have read and studied.

Regards

Adam Cowming


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Ericksonian Language

Ericksonian Language

First published November 22, 2012

As therapists we have a lot of tools at our disposal, one of which is what we call Ericksonian language. I tried to think of the best way to put it and ended up looking how others described it and in the end I cheated and took it off Wikipedia and it sums it up nicely.

According to Wikipedia “Erickson believed that the unconscious mind was always listening, and that, whether or not the patient was in trance, suggestions could be made which would have a hypnotic influence, as long as those suggestions found some resonance at the unconscious level. The patient can be aware of this, or can be completely oblivious that something is happening. Erickson would see if the patient would respond to one or another kind of indirect suggestion, and allow the unconscious mind to actively participate in the therapeutic process. In this way, what seemed like a normal conversation might induce a hypnotic trance, or a therapeutic change in the subject.”

So here are some examples of what we can use during a therapy session. I put the examples in some random sentences below.

…and as you _________ you can _________.

….and as you continue to read this blog you can find it increasingly easy to remember.

I don’t know if you’ll discover ___________ .

I don’t know if you’ll discover when you use these patterns you will get a feeling of well-being.

It’s not necessary…

It’s not necessary to have fun finding out how you can use this pattern

You can begin to/continue to ___________ .

You can begin to use Ericksonian Language patterns to help improve your persuasion abilities and improve your communication skills.

You might notice…

You might notice how useful this blog is for you and for others. I wonder if you’ve considered telling all of your friends about this great blog?

Don’t be too surprised to find yourself __________ .

Don’t be too surprised to find yourself fluent in these patterns and enjoying this practice.

 There so much information on Milton and how he worked that I’ve only barely scratched the surface with this short blog.

Go and find thing out for yourself on this wonderful tool the internet!

Regards

Adam


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Fears and Phobia’s

 

Fears and Phobia’s

First published on October 18, 2012

A fear or phobia is an intense fear of something that, in reality, poses little or no actual danger. Common phobias and fears include closed-in places, heights, highway driving, flying insects, snakes, and needles. However, we can develop phobias of virtually anything.

If you have a phobia, you probably realize that your fear is unreasonable, yet you still can’t control your feelings. Just thinking about the feared object or situation may make you anxious. And when you’re actually exposed to the thing you fear, the terror can be automatic and overwhelming.

So what is really going on?

I will use spiders as an example simply because it’s that time of year when I start to get more spider phobia phone calls as they start to come in for in colder months.

First people will see a spider (Visual) then they may have some internal dialog(NOOOO a massive spider) or external (Scream Aaaaaaaa) this in turn will trigger the feeling(Kinaesthetic) inside like fight, flight or freeze which in turn gets processed as fear by the person.  Normaly the reaction is out of proportion to the situation, for example has anyone you know ever been in an unprovoked attack by a spider or been bitten? Not many I bet !

The thing to really think about is that we are only born with 2 fears :-

  • · Fear of sudden loud noises
  • · Fear of falling

All other behaviors are learned either directly or indirectly, the amount of clients I see who say that a member of there family is scared of the same thing. They more than likely learned to react the way they do because they have seen for example their Mum screaming that there is spider in the house and to get it out. The client learnt how to respond to spiders because it what their Mum did when they were a small child and as a child they did not have any other resources to call up on.

All of this doesn’t help a person of course who has the fear, so how can hypnotherapy help.

There are lots of different methods all will aim to do the same job of helping the client to feel differently about the phobia or fear and allow the client to disassociate themselves from the feelings. The client will just not be as scared or as concerned by the fear or phobia as before. They may not want to ever hug or hold a spider but they will be able to cope with catching one and removing it or just leave it to get on with whatever spiders do on a good night out !

I use different methods depending on what I think is best for the client, sometimes the work is already done before I even use hypnosis but the hypnosis is still a great way to help the client to think differently about the fear and allow the mind to process it in a more logical way in the future and take on some new learnings to allow the client to make a change and have a more appropriate behaviour towards the problem.

If your phobia doesn’t really impact your life that much, it’s probably nothing to be concerned about. But if avoidance of the object, activity, or situation that triggers your phobia interferes with your normal functioning or keeps you from doing things you would otherwise enjoy, it’s time to seek help with someone like myself.

Regards

Adam Cowming

Website  www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


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Relax

Relax

First published on August 30, 2012

Hello again,

Sorry for the delay with this blog but i’ve been very busy with my therapy business plus I’ve had a holiday as well. Enjoy.

With modern lives so busy and people rushing around so much these days I’m finding increasing numbers of clients coming to see me because of stress and stress/anxiety related issues such as IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), so what the answer?

Learning to slow down a bit will help, as well as other things such things as relaxation techniques. People just don’t seem to take any time for themselves, then wonder why they are tired and feeling washed out. The body and mind needed a certain amount of time to rest and relax as well apart from sleep.

I tell clients to take 10 to 15 minutes a day to learn to relax and take time out for themselves. It is important not to fall asleep during this time out so the body learns it can relax without falling to sleep. Try this easy exercise.

Find somewhere comfortable where you will not be disturbed during the exercise, if necessary tell who you live with family etc than you don’t want to be disturbed and to be considerate to your needs. Lie down or sit in a comfy chair, place your hands on your lower stomach. Breathe in through your nose so that your stomach rises, this mean than you will be breathing from the bottom of the lungs not the top. Hold the breath for a couple of seconds then slowly breathe out. Repeat these 3 or 4 times then allow your breathing to go back to normal. Concentrate on different parts of the body allowing these to relax one by one starting with the top of your head and working all the way down to the tips of your toes. Image you are in a wonderfully relaxing a safe place, I like to think of myself lying on a beach sunbathing. Just allow yourself 10 to 15 minutes of relaxing this way every day making part of your lifestyle. Try not to fall asleep as relaxation is different to sleep so you don’t want to associate relaxing with going to sleep although you may find it hard not to drop off at first.

Learn to relax this way is very beneficial to mental health and can help with a whole range of issues even helping people out of depression, helping with anxiety and stress. You can even do a mini relaxation for a few minutes if you not got 15 minutes, a little is better than nothing.

This is a wonderfully easy and powerful exercise that anyone can do at home or even in their lunch break at work.

Ask yourself are you worth 15 minutes a day?

Get my free “Stress Buster” Mp3 audio here

Adam Cowming

Website  www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


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The unconscious mind

The unconscious mind

First published July 11, 2012

This is big subject of which we haven’t really tapped into its full potential. We know that it comes from the Limbic System part of the brain which has been shown to activate on MRI scans in this area.

So what is it and what does it do?

I look at it as the programming for the body and mind which is there to protect us. It is far more powerful than the conscious part of the mind. Within the unconscious mind there are parts that do particular jobs and tasks than run the programs in our mind and bodies. As a hypnotherapist is my job to work with this part of the mind to help you the client to overcome or change the programs that you maybe running that are not working for you. Imagine the brain as big computer that will only work as well as the programs we put into it. Sometimes we program the wrong programs into our mind and the conscious then unconscious mind takes on this new behaviour.

I always use this example to people who ask about how big is the unconscious, if you were to see on a neurological perspective it doesn’t look that big compared to rest of the brain. If you put your fists together next to each other like a boxer that is about the average size of a brain.

The unconscious is far more powerful so in this case size does not matter. To get an idea I say get a golf ball and put it next to a football. The golf represents the conscious mind and the football represents the unconscious mind!

Research is still on going into this but we know for sure is that it plays a massive part in our lives every micro second of the day of our life.

Here is a bit of information on the Limbic System of the brain.

The Limbic System sometimes called the “emotional brain” or “Old Mammalian Brain” is the next part of the brain to have evolved in the more primitive mammals about 150 million years ago. This is where our emotions reside, where memory begins and where these two functions combine together to mark behaviors with positive or negative feelings. It’s where mostly unconscious value judgments are made. Information going through the Limbic System are filed under “agreeable or disagreeable”. It also plays a role in salience (what grabs your attention), spontaneity and creativity. Located in the Limbic System are:

  • The Amygdala

Its name is Latin for almond which relates to its shape. It helps in storing and classifying emotionally charged memories. It plays a large role in producing our emotions, especially fear. It’s been found to trigger responses to strong emotion such as sweaty palms, freezing, increased heart-beat/respiration and stress hormone release.

  • The Hippocampus

This guy is all about memory and a little about learning. It’s primary role is in memory formation, classifying information, long-term memory. Like the RAM in your computer it processes and stores new and temporary memory for long term storage. It’s also involved in interpreting incoming nerve signals and spatial relationships.

  • The Hypothalamus

It should be called the Hypothalamus because it does so much. It’s linked closely with the pituitary gland to control many of the body’s functions. It monitors and controls your circadian rhythms (your daily sleep/wake cycle), homeostasis (making sure your body is running smoothly), appetite, thirst, other bodily urges and also plays a role in emotions, autonomic functions and motor functions.

  • The Thalamus

The Thalamus is THE relay station in the brain. Most of the sensory signals, auditory (sound), Visual, Somatosensory (from your skin and internal organs), go through this organ on their way to other parts of the brain for processing. It also plays a function in motor control.

I hope you enjoyed my blog and thanks for reading them !

Adam Cowming

Website www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


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Taking Action

Taking Action

First published on June 27, 2012

There a lot of people in the self-help industry that say the magic words if you want something “Take massive action” to get it. Now as someone who coaches people how to have better lives and improve themselves I agree with this to a certain level. People also say nothing is impossible, I disagree.

My Dad is 70 years old, now would he be able to become an astronaut? The answer is no! If he wanted he could pay to go up on a special aeroplane and experience 0 gravity or even go on one of the flights to the edge of the earth’s atmosphere and that would be pretty close for a civilian. To become a real astronaut he would have to pass many tests set by NASA for example then spend some length of time in space so what is my point.

Take action but make sure that your goals are realistic and achievable! When a client asks me to help we sit down together and draw up a plan of action. Here is how I do that

What do you want to change? (The now)

What do you want to achieve? (Future Goal)

How are we going to get there? (Setting the plan)

When setting a plan it is important to takes steps every day to help achieve the end goal. Break it down into small tasks and set your end goal in a realistic time frame. Small steps even if they seem silly are still a step in the right direction. It is important to research your goal and find out as much as you can beforehand so you will have the right information to hand.

Set daily or weekly goals and don’t set yourself too much at once to do. Remember you may have a family to consider and to make time for as well. Fit your goal around your life and don’t make the goals your life but a part of it. Remember that there may be bumps in the road and it may not go as planned all of the time but accept this as part of the process.

I have recently set myself a goal of becoming a full time hypnotherapist, up until now I’ve have been ticking along seeing clients on a part time basis. So what have I been doing to ensure this happens?

I first of all ordered 5000 leaflets and delivered them myself and with help from my family. A lot of people will say leaflets are  a waste of time and no one looks at them, well from the phone calls and interest I’ve had I would say they are wrong ! How do people know about my business if they have never heard of me? I’ve done about 6 miles of small steps every day! lol

I have invested in having an up to date website built by a professional web designer, check it out for yourself.  www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

I have also had a meeting at a local pharmacy which wanted a hypnotherapist to work in the shop, so I’ve hired the room from them and they book in the clients for me and do all of the marketing within the shop, this will hopefully lead to me working in their other shop as well. All of this because they saw one of my leaflets and I went into see him on the same day and had a meeting.

I haven’t done anything incredible or amazing all I have done is follow my own advice that I give to clients. Little steps but the results are now coming though with an increase of clients and local awareness of my business. I set myself 2 hours a day to do leaflet drops and did them all within 10 days. I also approached local businesses and put my leaflet in their shops, no one said no they were all happy to help promote a local business.

Life will not come to you, we have to go out and get what we want. If you want to achieve something in life but find yourself sitting on your butt all day complaining how the world is unfair and how you never get a break, ask yourself what have YOU done today to help yourself so far???

Take action but do it in a realistic way!!!!!!

Thanks for reading my blog.

Adam Cowming

Website www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


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Personality Types

Personality Types

When I have clients come to see me they sometimes use phrases such as; “part of me wants X the other part of me wants Y”. This is what we call parts conflict.

So what do they mean and how do I as a therapist explain what is going on in their minds in an easy to understand down to earth format?

I tend to use the Transactional Analysis model created by Canadian-born US psychiatrist, Eric Berne. Berne devised the concept of ego states to help explain how we are made up, and how we relate to others. They categorise the ways we think, feel and behave and are called Parent, Adult, and Child. Each ego state is given a capital letter to denote the difference between actual parents, adults and children.

Parent (“exteropsyche”): a state in which people behave, feel, and think in response to an unconscious mimicking of how their parents (or other parental figures) acted, or how they interpreted their parent’s actions. For example, a person may shout at someone out of frustration because they learned from an influential figure in childhood the lesson that this seemed to be a way of relating that worked.

Parent has 2 parts to this personality type

Nurturing – Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).

Critical – Structuring (positive) and Controlling (negative).

Physical – angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronising gestures. Sympathetic expressions, hugging, stroking.

Verbal – always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronising language, posturing language. Soft, supportive voice and wording.

N.B. Beware of cultural differences in body-language that may appear ‘Parental’.

Adult (“neopsyche”): a state of the ego which is most like a computer processing information and making predictions absent of major emotions that could affect its operation. Learning to strengthen the Adult is a goal of TA.

Adult remains as a single entity, representing an ‘accounting’ function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.

While a person is in the Adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality.

Physical – attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal – why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realise, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

Child (“archaeopsyche”): a state in which people behave, feel and think similarly to how they did in childhood. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, and crying or pouting, as they used to when scolded as a child. Conversely, a person who receives a good evaluation may respond with a broad smile and a joyful gesture of thanks. The Child is the source of emotions, creation, recreation, spontaneity and intimacy.

Child also has 2 parts to this personality type

Adapted – Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative).

Free – Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).

Physical – emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal – baby talk, I wish, I dunno, I want, I’m gonna, I don’t care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

So here is what I sometimes say to the client that these parts clash for example part of them says go and have fun

(Free Child) and other part of them says they better not do that and stay at home(Critical Parent).

I find that people who tend to listen to their “Critical Parent” too much sometimes have a lot of negative internal dialogue in their mind. Now we all have this critical side and it is an important part of us that can protect us but it can also overwhelm people as well and can be very hard to override for the client. Other people have too much “Free Child” i.e. they go and do things without thinking of the consequences at all and this can also be as bad. It is all about getting the balance right.

People who drink too much or take drugs (addicts and functioning addicts) are doing so to override the critical parent and get into the free child state, they are shutting out that critical voice/memories that may have in the past reminded them of past experiences or overly critical voices they would rather not remember.

I know I have done things many years ago in the past that when I’ve had a beer too many and I was in the free child state. I did things I wouldn’t normally do, like walk home with a traffic cone on my head. In the morning my critical parent kicked in and I have laid there in bed with a bad head slightly embarrassed thinking, why I did I do that? At the time I was having fun with my friends but in the morning I thought I was a bit silly.

If you would like to read more about this subject I would recommend you read Eric Berne’s first book called “Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy”, “I’m OK You’re OK” by Thomas A. Harris and also “Games People Play” again by Eric Berne, they can be hard going for those of you without a background in Psychotherapy but they explain things in much more depth.

Thanks for reading my blog.

Adam Cowming

Website www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk