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The Drama Triangle
The drama triangle is something I have seen time and time again in unhealthy relationships. It can be in new relationships or long term marriages however the people in it normally are not aware of it or are too scared to do anything about it.
So what is the drama triangle and how does it work?
There are 3 stances
This is someone who is “poor me!” Victims see themselves as victimized, oppressed, powerless, helpless, hopeless, dejected, and ashamed, and come across as “super-sensitive,”
The stance of the rescuer is “Let me help you!” Rescuers work hard to help and caretake other people, and even need to help other people to feel good about themselves, while neglecting their own needs or not taking responsibility for meeting their own needs.
The stance of the persecutor is “It’s all your fault!” Persecutors criticize and blame the victim, set strict limits, can be controlling, rigid, authoritative, angry and unpleasant. They keep the victim feeling oppressed through threats and bullying.
The victim will look and indeed attract a rescuer into their life. Once a relationship is formed then things are first seem great, the victim is getting the support and attention from the rescuer. The rescuer is feeling fulfilled because they are helping someone.
After time because the victim doesn’t really want to change from that stance, they want to stay a victim because they like the attention. They don’t really want to be rescued so they change into a persecutor role pushing the rescuer away by blaming them saying for example everything is their fault.
The rescuer then becomes the victim!
People in this relationship can and often do swap between roles of victim and persecutor continuing the cycle of the drama triangle.
If you are in this situation or recognise this pattern in your life or relationship it may be an idea to get some therapy so to look at a deeper level what causes you to act this way.
I can help with that and invite you to a free consultation, book here today.