New Years Resolutions

  • 0

New Years Resolutions

 

New Years Resolutions

My Quick Guide.

Did you know that only 8 percent (or maybe it’s 12 percent) of people end up accomplishing their New Year’s Resolutions? That means that 92 (or 88) out of 100 New Year’s Resolutions end in “in-complete” and utter failure.

The first step of this process involves a period of self-reflection and introspection. This is a very important step because it lays down the foundations for the New Year’s Resolutions you will set for the coming 12 months. These foundations are set in place when you clearly understand where you’ve come from, what you’ve done to get here, and how your life will potentially unfold in the future as a result of these experiences.

Well, now’s your chance to sit down and prepare a list of important lifestyle changes you want to make, and being the charitable and caring person that I am here at, I’ve  decided to give you a bit of help – because since the majority of people fail to stick to their resolution, you’ll need all the help you can get.

Send an email to your future self. Seriously, do it lets you send an email to yourself in the future at a date you specify. A great way to bridge the gap between your present and future selves is to tell your future self how your current actions will benefit yourself in the future.

Keeping a diary of your progress is a useful way to help you stay on track and see how far you’ve come. Enlisting the support of friends and family by explaining what you’re trying to achieve is another good way to help you stick to your goal.

Set your goals on a number of levels:

  • First you create your “big picture” of what you want to do with your life (or over, say, the next 10 years), and identify the large-scale goals that you want to achieve.
  • Then, you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you must hit to reach your lifetime goals.
  • Finally, once you have your plan, you start working on it to achieve these goals.

This is why we start the process of setting goals by looking at your lifetime goals. Then, we work down to the things that you can do in, say, the next five years, then next year, next month, next week, and today, to start moving towards them.

It’s important to understand that the intentions you set for the New Year will never be realized if you keep living at the same level as last year. New goals require a new set of habits, rituals and beliefs. These three elements in combination will help you create the momentum you need to follow through with your intentions to attain your New Year’s Resolutions. You will therefore need to make modifications on all three levels if you desire to realize concrete long-term results. And of course, the best way to begin doing this is by raising your personal standards.

I wish you the greatest of success along this journey and the very best for the year ahead!

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

info@blhypnotherapy.co.uk / 024 76362360


  • -

The Drama Triangle

 

The Drama Triangle

 

The drama triangle is something I have seen time and time again in unhealthy relationships. It can be in new relationships or long term marriages however the people in it normally are not aware of it or are too scared to do anything about it.

So what is the drama triangle and how does it work?

There are 3 stances

Victim

This is someone who is “poor me!” Victims see themselves as victimized, oppressed, powerless, helpless, hopeless, dejected, and ashamed, and come across as “super-sensitive,”

Rescuers

The stance of the rescuer is “Let me help you!” Rescuers work hard to help and caretake other people, and even need to help other people to feel good about themselves, while neglecting their own needs or not taking responsibility for meeting their own needs.

Persecutors

The stance of the persecutor is “It’s all your fault!” Persecutors criticize and blame the victim, set strict limits, can be controlling, rigid, authoritative, angry and unpleasant. They keep the victim feeling oppressed through threats and bullying.

 

 

The victim will look and indeed attract a rescuer into their life. Once a relationship is formed then things are first seem great, the victim is getting the support and attention from the rescuer. The rescuer is feeling fulfilled because they are helping someone.

After time because the victim doesn’t really want to change from that stance, they want to stay a victim because they like the attention. They don’t really want to be rescued so they change into a persecutor role pushing the rescuer away by blaming them saying for example everything is their fault.
The rescuer then becomes the victim!

People in this relationship can and often do swap between roles of victim and persecutor continuing the cycle of the drama triangle.

If you are in this situation or recognise this pattern in your life or relationship it may be an idea to get some therapy so to look at a deeper level what causes you to act this way.

I can help with that and invite you to a free consultation, book here today.
Regards
Adam


  • -

A Client Session With Me

A Client Session

What a client session is like with me.

A client will often come and see me with no idea how I can help them with limited knowledge of Hypnotherapy.

The first thing that happens is a look at the issue and any information around that issue that maybe useful or directly linked.

I do warn some client that my methods are sometimes not the norm or what they may expect. I use lots of tools some of which seem odd if they are expecting straight forward CBT style therapy.

I can at times use provocative therapy which for the client is a bit strange and can take them out of a comfort zone or just plain confuse them to what is going on.

Everything I do in therapy is to help the client; I often will end the session at a point where the client may think it’s not finished. This is deliberate is order for the client to have time to work things out, I leave the client time to really think and to come to their own conclusions where appropriate.

I use eye movement therapy called “Blast Technique”

BLAST Technique™ is a Amygdala Desensitising Technique (ADT) which has been created and developed to work faster and more effectively with PTSD and trauma.

BLAST Technique created by Nick Davies (Bi Lateral Analysis and Stimulation Treatment) which has been developed from EMDR. When post-traumatic stress syndrome is involved, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) is better than other types of therapies.

I also use NLP and Hypnotherapy.

I have admit that a lot of the fixes are out of what people think of hypnosis.

I once had a client who I knew needed help. I was going through some process in order to help them when they stated “Can’t we just get on the with the hypnosis stuff” thinking that was the bit that would fix them but the work had already been done so I we did the hypnosis and they left thinking that’s what fixed them. I knew the fix took about 10 minutes in reality.

So to sum this blog up I work in what I think gets the client the best and fastest results although sometime in what the client may seem a strange way at time.

I do work in very traditional ways also if I think that approach is more suitable for that client.

Contact me today for your complimentary consultation.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


  • -

The Under Dog

The Under Dog

October 9, 2014

 

This is a bit of a strange subject I know because it’s one I’ve lived.

Let me explain and expose my true feeling and emotions on the subject.

I left school with NO exam result, NOTHING, ZERO. I started my work life as the underdog; I had to work hard for every penny in manual jobs. I did for a long time, thinking that’s my lot.

Life moves us in different directions, often not planned or even thought of. I am that person.

I was labelled at school as a “Special Needs” kid because I didn’t and still don’t learn in a traditional way, and to be fair to the teachers they were taught to teach one way and didn’t really know any other way. I know I had some great teachers but the information never really went in as it should do. Does this make me thick? NO

I’ve fought thought-out my life to become a better more educated person and I believe we are intelligent in so many different ways. I’ve seen top university students who are far more superior to me in intellect pull a door when it clearly states push and continue to do so looking a little confused.( I did laugh just a little)

I still struggled everyday with learning IF I’m not interested or if it is not presented in a way I understand, I want to bring this to you attention because as many of you know I face my fears and I don’t care that much if people agree or disagree with me. I’m writing this to help people like myself who may think they struggle to take information in.

Let me ask you a question do you look, listen of feel you understand information?

I’m a very visual person, I like to see information. I learn a lots from books and video’s however if someone gave me an audio to listen to I may not take that information in as quickly. We ALL learn in our own way. I believe that we all are intelligent. I know a builder who can’t read or write but if I need a wall building I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone else because he’s simply a brilliant bricky, I need my kitchen roof plastered ,again I will ask my friend who has done work for me in the past, will I ask him a math question or anything, NO. He can plaster and is bloody good at what he does, that to me is all I need to know. He is good at what he does and how he learnt that trade or skill is no business of mine. He works on results, the end product or finish just like me!

So I guess in summery I asking you to step back and not judge someone before you really understand and know their skills, I’m not great at spelling but I can help someone get rid of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) , I can help people to lose weight, gain control of anxiety and panic attacks among a whole list of things.

Before you judge someone have your facts and prejudging filter off because that person could be more skilled that you give them credit for.

From Adam who some people used to think I was thick and stupid, and for those of you who think I still am BRING IT ON!

Go out there and be the best you !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

http://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


  • -

Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

July 11, 2014

 

This was on the BBC today and thought I would write a short blog on the subject.

Hundreds of thousands of obese people with type 2 diabetes could get weight-loss surgery on the NHS, that’s up to 800,00 people !

What about the NHS spending money education to those overweight people?

I see a lot of clients on my “Weight Management Programme” and one of the key things I teach to those people is the importance of eating clean healthy food and introducing some steady regular exercise into their daily routine. The NHS would be better off spending the vast amount of money they would have spent on help those people through therapy and education in my opinion.

 

Link to BBC news story

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/obese-diabetes-sufferers-could-nhs-ops-002311753.html#ZmaSdQb

 

Most clients I see openly admit that they have allowed the weight to pile on year after year without knowing where to go and normally have no clue about nutritionally good food or they claim to know it all but never put it into practice. There is also normally a reason for the emotional over eating and comfort eating.

I think that giving so many people the operation will lead more to a situation where they won’t care about their weight or long term health because they will have a sort of get out of jail card from the NHS. If they get too fat they will just go and have the gastric band operation and forget about taking any sort of responsibly for what they eat or their own health.  After the operation they will have to be more careful so why wait until it gets to that stage.

A better idea is to get people way before then maybe a government education classes on healthy living and eating show people it’s not that hard and cost no more to eat healthy than it to eat fast food or processed crap. Set up class where they are encouraged to exercise as part of the programme.

I know that hypnotherapy is really great for weight management but there are so many other sorts of therapy open to people including psychological therapies, gym schemes, personal trainers who should know about the nutrition but to name a few.

The government doesn’t need to look too hard for professionals already out there willing to help and the money would be better spent employing those people than surgeons who are already over whelmed by the demand for this surgery.

What do you think, have your say !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


  • -

Change

Change

 

Chance can be a challenging thing if we don’t have the correct guidance or resources.

That’s basically what most of my clients come to see me about , they want to change  feelings, behaviours or a habit.

To get change we need a certain number of things to happen.

We need to recognise our patterns of behaviour or thoughts. Once people become aware of these they are no longer hidden so can’t be denied any longer.

Then we need to put an alternative in place or teach the brain to react in the way the client wants as in the outcome.

I use various skills to help this to happen such as transactional analysis, provocative therapy,  Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnotherapy.

 

Here is a short video explaining change.

Warm regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


  • -

Helping Our Hero’s

Helping Our Hero’s

 

Some of you may or may not know that I help our hero’s regularly within my therapy business with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Why?

Having sat in my chair time and time again hearing the horror stories of war and how the people are fed up with the help they received or not as the case maybe.

I keep hearing the same thing that these brave men and women are not getting the correct help they need but more importantly DESERVE !

As a rule I hear they generally only get 3 to 4 therapy sessions if they are lucky which Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) based therapy, talking in other words. The problem with this approach is talking about horrific events often causes flashbacks or worsens the symptoms of PTSD and Truama. Why is the MOD continuing down this road of crap therapy?

PTSD works in a strange way which is why talking will not help at all. Trauma can get stuck in the right hemisphere of the brain so unlike other experience or memories will not be processed correctly. The memory is stuck so the brain doesn’t know what to do with it that’s why people keep reliving the trauma. Talk just makes it worse frankly.

If it was working then why is my phone still ringing with ex or servicing personal wanting help?

The problems are numerous with people with PTSD often drinking heavily or taking drugs in order to self-medicate which in turn has a massive effect or family and relationships which often will not last the strain and stress. This behaviour tends to be almost like binge drinking or drugs going off for days at a time into oblivion mode.

I can help using a combination of science backed eye movement therapy which has had up to amazing 90% success rate all over the world.

I want to help it’s my way of saying thanks and giving back, I offer a free service to military and ex-military personal which I normal run on a Saturday morning and afternoon.

Do you know someone who needs help? CLICK HERE

Share this blog and point them my way.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


  • -

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

First published May 22, 2013

Over the last few weeks and months I’ve seen a big increase though my therapy practise of people suffering anxiety or panic attack.

A lot of people complain of very similar symptoms such as racing heart beat and a feeling on being on edge all of the time among other things.

So what happening to cause people to feel like this?

First of all it will be more than likely start with something internally like negative dialog, which will create a picture in the mind. These two things together then create or start the process of creating a negative and most unwelcome feeling.

So the process starts at a neurological level in the brain.  It could be argued that anxiety itself is its own neurological symptom. After all, anxiety can change neurotransmitter levels in your brain causing them to send unusual signals to the rest of your body that  actually effect all your nervous systems and causes real sensations/symptoms.

The forebrain is the area most affected in people with anxiety disorders. The limbic system, which is involved in storing memories and creating emotions, is also thought to play a central role in processing all anxiety-related information. Both the locus coeruleus and the dorsal raphe project to the septohippocampal circuit, which in turn projects to other areas of the limbic system that mediate anxiety. The hippocampus and amygdala are of particular importance, as they are interconnected and also project to both subcortical and cortical nuclei. The amygdala fires off the fight, flight or freeze reaction in the brain then floods the body with adenine. It is the increased activity of the amygdala that causes the symptoms of anxiety and panic. It acually happens like this freeze, fight or flight.

Normally after each anxiety event, the amygdala resets itself to a normal level. But if we continue to experience anxiety or stress over a long period of time, our amygdala is modified and becomes fixed at a high anxiety level. In other words it is in the on position and needs to be switched off.

So it is a very real problem for some people. I think that a panic attack is anxiety but a much stronger reaction, anxiety that has been allowed to grow and become somewhat out of control. A friend who was a nurse in A&E in a local hospital said that 99% of people admitted to hospital who think they are having a heart attack are actually experiencing a panic attack

Anxiety and panic attacks can be cause by increased stress and inadequate coping mechanisms may contribute to anxiety.

One of the best ways to help yourself is to try deep breathing exercise every day for around 10 – 15 minutes at time.

How to do Deep Breathing Exercises:

  1. Find somewhere comfortable where you will not be disturbed during the exercise, if necessary tell who you live with family etc than you don’t want to be disturbed and to be considerate to your needs.
  2. Lie down or sit in a comfy chair, place your hands on your lower stomach. Breathe in through your nose so that your stomach rises, this mean than you will be breathing from the bottom of the lungs not the top. Hold the breath for a couple of seconds then slowly breathe out.
  3. Repeat these 3 or 4 times then allow your breathing to go back to normal.
  4. Concentrate on different parts of the body allowing these to relax one by one starting with the top of your head and working all the way down to the tips of your toes. Image you are in a wonderfully relaxing a safe place, I like to think of myself lying on a beach sunbathing.
  5. Just allow yourself 10 to 15 minutes of relaxing this way every day making part of your lifestyle. Try not to fall asleep as relaxation is different to sleep so you don’t want to associate relaxing with going to sleep although you may find it hard not too drop off at first.

If you feel you need a little more help then please contact me via the website or the office telephone number. www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk or 024 76362360

I am available for one to one or Skype (adam.cowming) therapy sessions if you can’t get to my office in person.

Regards

Adam


  • -

Provocative Change Works

 

Provocative Change Works

First published on April 15, 2013

I’ve just attended a Nick Kemp workshop called “Provocative Change Works” or PCW

I wasn’t really sure about the approach to this kind of therapy as it is something I’ve never done before. I’d seen Nick working using this method online and I just didn’t get what was going on. I knew Nick was a world-class therapist so something was going on but what?

Having found the venue in Swindon I found out that most of the attendees were doing the PCW workshop as part of their ongoing  NLP Master Practitioner course and a few like me were there to just learn about PCW. I was made to feel very much welcome by the host of the training Tony Nutley from UK College of Personal Development.

While sat listening to Nick he started the learning process in a very humoured manner explaining everything in an easy to understand way, no big unnecessary words (phew). I instantly liked the PCW approach and Nick’s relaxed yet informative manner. It was a lot of fun right from the off. Nick did the first live one to one demo session of around 25 minutes. The demo was with a real issue that Nick knew nothing about beforehand. I sat, watched and listened.

Nick then started to breakdown the session using the 27 PCW stances and explaining what and why he used one or another. I was surprised just how many times he changed stances with ease and no effort, it just seem to flow in a very natural and easy way. It was more like a chat with a mate than therapy, or that is the perception. Once the subtleties are exposed I began to see what a very simple but fantastic way of working this is.  I thought “Now this is something I can use”.

What I also found interesting is that it was put into the NLP training as it really does grind some NLPers up the wrong way. It doesn’t fit into their way of working at first.  I decided before hand to go in and learn with an open mind, I wasn’t even thinking about NLP.  The demo subjects struggled against the approach a bit, and some even said it made them feel a little angry. It wasn’t the therapy making them angry but their own fame of working and being totally taken out of it to the point of confusion. This was just simply brilliant work by Nick. He knew exactly what and why he was doing it even if the demo subjects didn’t. I love the fact the host asked Nick to come and do the PCW training on a NLP course, talk about throwing in a proverbial spanner in the works. Great move Tony!

I am pleased to report the demos were explained and people started, like me, to really understand to inner working to the PCW approach. Nick did four live demo’s throughout the day and each one I was captivated by Nicks work and the subject reactions and feedback. At times it was tear rolling funny, even more if the subject was trying to worm out of things a bit, Nick wanted to elicit more information and was also testing for hesitation from the client. Nick also used Ericksonian language to great effect.

When Nick adopts a different stance in the sessions it moves the client’s “Perceptual Position” which then caused the subject to react in a different way with every change in stance. Nick also used a lot of “Time Framing” work to great effect, and confusing the subject. This takes them out their frame of thought. All of these things were going on; their heads were spinning at the end of the 25 minutes. They look confused, unsure, tired and it was left like that. It was funny to watch and humour was used to great effect.

People think because it is “Provocative” then it must aggressive but this far from the truth, it is all done in friendly banter and with a twinkle in the eye. It does provoke change but in a very nice if what confusing (for the subject) way. All 4 subjects reported a change in the way the problem or ex problem was now perceived the next day in the follow-up sessions. It got the desired result for the subject. I think that is the important bit; it doesn’t really matter to subject how it happened. That is what client comes for in therapy, a good result.

This is the start of an excited journey using and exploring this PCW work with my clients to help them even more. I’m still unpacked the information from the weekend and will let you know how I’m getting on with it. I still have 2 DVD’s to study yet, so more work is going to begin. I know that my learning is just starting with this way of working but i’ve got a good feeling that this really will be a big part of any therapy I do from now on.

I know that this training will make me a better therapist, and the fact that I had solid foundation with all of my training from the beginning has also without doubt helped me get where I am today.

A big thank you to Nick Kemp for a truly wonderful weekend of learning and Tony Nutly for being a great host and all round nice guy.

Nick’s PCW Link

http://www.provocativechangeworks.com/

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog

Adam

http://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


  • -

My Glass Shield

My Glass Shield

First published on March 21, 2013

My Glass Shield

Please note :This post may upset some people who have been affected in their life by suicide.

I’m big believer in sharing my life experience with people.

In my day-to-day therapy sessions I can see anything from client who wish to stop smoking though to less pleasant things, trust me there is not a lot I’ve not heard in my room.

What I believe makes me a good therapist is the ability to step away emotionally when I need to but still have a real understanding and empathy for the client.

I find this is the best way for me as I can see things more clearly and as it should be from a neutral perspective. I do this by having an imaginary  glass shield between me and the client(in my mind) which allows me the see, hear and help the client without getting unconsciously draw in. It is very important not too get to involved and personal with situation or it will cloud judgement and the therapy will not be as successful.

Why?

Well sometime client have had a very upsetting and traumatic event that they want help with so although I want to help them 100% I have to be careful. This is not cold or uncaring but a safety net for me. I can still help and care for the client but from a safe position thus allowing myself and client to process the experience the best they can.

How does it help me?

I going to tell you a true story which happened on Wednesday 07/10/2012. Please note this is NOT a nice subject.

I had just got up at 08:30am and my front door bell rang. Stood at the door was a worried looking man dressed in a high visual tabard and muddy work boots. He asked me “Have you seen Mark” my neighbour from next door. I replied “Not for a few days”.

He said Mark had not turned up for work today and also never rang in which he always had done in the past.  They worked for a local company delivering skips.

He told me he had knocked on the door and there was no answer.

Did I notice anything unusual? I said Mark garage light was on late but as he owned and raced car I thought he was messing around as he normally did when he got home from work. It was normal for him to work late into the evenings some times to prepare the car for the next race meeting.

We agreed we should go over my garden wall all see if we can see anything though the kitchen window, at which point we saw the garage light still on. I agreed to go and take a look in the garage. I knocked, no answer?

I said l will go in, the second I opened the door I was hit by the fumes from a car. I thought this doesn’t smell great. I was right. I told myself to put my “glass shield” up and switch off go into therapy mode, just in case! As I entered the garage there was a plastic sheet over the entrance. I pulled this back and looked around. I saw Mark in the corner of the garage on the floor. He was very still. I couched down and said his name, nothing. I gave him a little shove, again nothing. I checked his neck and wrist for a pulse and notice how cold he was. No pulse.

I was more than aware of his mate now inside the garage door, as he asked “Is he O.K.?” I said I had found him and to call 999 for the ambulance and police. “Is he bad?” I said something like “I want you to be aware you are calling 999 because we have too. Not to help him, he is not going to get any worse and looks very peaceful. There is nothing more we can do for him now” I needed the lad to process the fact that Mark had passed and still call on the phone. I said we should leave and wait outside for the police etc.

Mark had taken his life. The crime scene investigators confirmed this Mark had gassed himself using the car (I think). I never heard the car on the previous night which normally I can, it’s a loud race car?

The police and ambulance arrived within a few minutes and confirmed what we already knew. He had been dead for many hours, maybe 12. Rigour mortis had set in already.

Over the next few hours people came and went and finally the family came to pay their respects and mourn in each other’s arms. I passed on my condolences and went into my house.

Sometime we all need a glass shield and be honest I’m glad I have mine some days!

I’m now checking myself daily for signs of trauma or PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), I know it can pop out and bite me on the arse if I ignore it. I am very aware of the signs as I’ve seen it as a therapist many times and have taken training course on the subject I’ve asked the people around me to watch and keep an eye on me. If I see, hear or feel anything I’m not happy with I will be straight over my friend and mentors house and process it using a technique called EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) which I use myself on clients among other very powerful therapy tools.

I know this wasn’t a happy  post but thought it was an important one to write.

If you are suffering from any form of Trauma or PTSD please contact someone and get the help you need.

Thanks

Adam