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Personality Types

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What are Personality Types and how do we spot them in people?

When I have clients come to see me they sometimes use phrases such as; “part of me wants X the other part of me wants Y”. This is what we call parts conflict.

So what do they mean and how do I as a therapist explain what is going on in their minds in an easy to understand down to earth format?

I tend to use the Transactional Analysis model created by Canadian-born US psychiatrist, Eric Berne. Berne devised the concept of ego states to help explain how we are made up, and how we relate to others and Personality Types . They categorise the ways we think, feel and behave and are called Parent, Adult, and Child. Each ego state is given a capital letter to denote the difference between actual parents, adults and children.

Parent (“exteropsyche”): a state in which people behave, feel, and think in response to an unconscious mimicking of how their parents (or other parental figures) acted, or how they interpreted their parent’s actions. For example, a person may shout at someone out of frustration because they learned from an influential figure in childhood the lesson that this seemed to be a way of relating that worked.

Parent has 2 parts to this personality type

Nurturing – Nurturing (positive) and Spoiling (negative).

Critical – Structuring (positive) and Controlling (negative).

Physical – angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronising gestures. Sympathetic expressions, hugging, stroking.

Verbal – always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronising language, posturing language. Soft, supportive voice and wording.

N.B. Beware of cultural differences in body-language that may appear ‘Parental’.

Adult (“neopsyche”): a state of the ego which is most like a computer processing information and making predictions absent of major emotions that could affect its operation. Learning to strengthen the Adult is a goal of TA.

Adult remains as a single entity, representing an ‘accounting’ function or mode, which can draw on the resources of both Parent and Child.

While a person is in the Adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality.

Physical – attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal – why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realise, I see, I believe, in my opinion.

Child (“archaeopsyche”): a state in which people behave, feel and think similarly to how they did in childhood. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, and crying or pouting, as they used to when scolded as a child. Conversely, a person who receives a good evaluation may respond with a broad smile and a joyful gesture of thanks. The Child is the source of emotions, creation, recreation, spontaneity and intimacy.

Child also has 2 parts to this personality type

Adapted – Co-operative (positive) and Compliant/Resistant (negative).

Free – Spontaneous (positive) and Immature (negative).

Physical – emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal – baby talk, I wish, I dunno, I want, I’m gonna, I don’t care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

So here is what I sometimes say to the client that these parts clash for example part of them says go and have fun

(Free Child) and other part of them says they better not do that and stay at home(Critical Parent).

I find that people who tend to listen to their “Critical Parent” too much sometimes have a lot of negative internal dialogue in their mind. Now we all have this critical side and it is an important part of us that can protect us but it can also overwhelm people as well and can be very hard to override for the client. Other people have too much “Free Child” i.e. they go and do things without thinking of the consequences at all and this can also be as bad. It is all about getting the balance right.

People who drink too much or take drugs (addicts and functioning addicts) are doing so to override the critical parent and get into the free child state, they are shutting out that critical voice/memories that may have in the past reminded them of past experiences or overly critical voices they would rather not remember.

I know I have done things many years ago in the past that when I’ve had a beer too many and I was in the free child state. I did things I wouldn’t normally do, like walk home with a traffic cone on my head. In the morning my critical parent kicked in and I have laid there in bed with a bad head slightly embarrassed thinking, why I did I do that? At the time I was having fun with my friends but in the morning I thought I was a bit silly.

If you would like to read more about this subject of Personality Types I would recommend you read Eric Berne’s first book called “Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy”, “I’m OK You’re OK” by Thomas A. Harris and also “Games People Play” again by Eric Berne, they can be hard going for those of you without a background in Psychotherapy but they explain things in much more depth.

Thanks for reading my blog on Personality Types .

If you wish to book a conslutation or for more inforation on my therapy serivces contact me HERE

Adam Cowming

Website www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Communication Skills

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Communication Skills are massively important in life, here is how to use and get better at using them.

May 31, 2012

Communication skills is an important if not the most important thing I do in my job as a therapist, there are things I hear someone say  that without my training I probably wouldn’t have  been aware of  before hand. So I thought I would tell you about them and then you can listen to people and become a better communicator.

Is there someone who you just don’t seem to click with or get on with but you wish you did?

Have you even thought that your language maybe slightly different, that they may speak using  different words to you? Yes everyone uses different words but did you know that people use Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic phrases in their everyday language and that they probably don’t even know it either?

This is what we call “Sub-Modalities in Language”, have you ever heard of this before?

Here are some examples of the language:

Visual

See, Look, View, Show, Clear, Appear, Focussed.

“You never see what I am saying to you”

Auditory

Hear, Listen, Tune in, All ears, Be heard, Rings a bell, Sound, Silence

“I hear what you are saying”

Kinaesthetic

Feel, Touch, Catch on, Hard, Get hold of, Tap into, Turn around, Unfeeling

“I feel you don’t understand me”

People are generally one of the above in their main language but will and can use a bit of everything, but as you listen to the person you will hear which they mainly use, try it!

I also listen out for the words I, Me, Self, You?

Here is an example of what I mean “I hate myself”, so if we look at that statement said “I” being the person hates “self”. I hates self so who is I and who is self?

There a lots of different thing going on with that statement but without going to deep I will leave to think about it for now.

We all use Metaphor every day in our language and some people don’t even realise they are! Are you one of those people? I know I used them but wasn’t sure why?

Originally, metaphor was a Greek word meaning “transfer”. The Greek etymology is from meta, implying “a change” and pherein meaning “to bear, or carry”. Thus, the word metaphor itself has a metaphorical meaning in English, “a transfer of meaning from one thing to another”.  So the word metaphor is a metaphor within itself.

Amusingly, in Modern Greek the word metaphor is used to refer to a cart or trolley; thus visitors to Greek airports will find themselves using metaphors to carry their luggage.

We all use them but because we don’t notice, this means we use them unconsciously this is why understanding how to use metaphor is so important as a therapist. I went on a workshop with Andrew T Austin called Metaphors of Movement which really opened my ears to another form of communication that is so powerful and a great tool to use.

With this tool I can help the client explore the metaphor and help them to solve the problem in an easy and powerful way.

What sort of metaphor can a client use?  Here is a few  examples “I feel like I’m in a big hole”, “I can’t seem to move forward”,” It’s like I’m banging my head against a wall”, “ I just can’t get over it”, so I have learned how to engage the client at a physiological and neurological level

Here is how it works

Example of the problem = What happens

Emotional response to the problem = How we feel about what happens

The consequences on the problem = The effect of what happens

The diagnosis of the problem = What we call it

I often find after exploring the metaphor more with the client they begin to see the problem in a different way and after some helping and suggestions the client can see the solution themselves. I never put words into the clients experience but suggest various phrases relevant to the clients metaphor.

I love doing this kind of therapy because the result are often very profound and powerful in helping the client move on with their life or a situation that has in some way held them back .

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog on Communication Skills and it has helped you to understand the verbal communication we all use every day, when we start to listen more closely then we can really hear what the other person may or may not be saying.

If would like to learn more Communication Skills skills for yourself then I would advise anyone to go where I went. Nick Davies owns and runs the Warwickshire School of Hypnotherapy and is an excellent trainer. www.WSOH.co.uk

If you like to contact me about or any therapy service I offer contact me HERE

Adam Cowming

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

The X-Men

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The X-Men

May 16, 2012

This blog is going to be about something very close people’s hearts Xboxes, PlayStations and Wii, oh yes the games stations or consoles

Why?

I am really starting to believe that people are not only getting addicted to them but also it is stopping people socially interacting in the REAL world!

Kids and teens sit in their rooms at home glued in front of these violent video games, shooting and killing each other. They sit talking on the live games and actually think this is social interaction just like they are with their mates.

Is it me getting older at the grand age of 43? Or did we have to go out and make new friends and play football and other games. I did play army pretending to shoot and kill each other but is it the same? I think not. We had sticks not M16 or AK47’s. I would shout out you are dead and away we would go and hide again. We used to make dens and tree houses, ride our bikes for miles over lush green fields. I did have a computer when I was young a Commodore VIC 20, what a powerhouse, NOT!

I see this with kids and I’m glad that she has strict rules regarding the time spent on the games but it still concerns me the attitude that can come across sometimes when the kids are told time is up. I wonder if this sounds familiar to you and your family.

The more worrying thing about this current trend is that it is being linked to child behavioural problems, I think that there should be stricter guide lines and more age limits on games, if this will help I don’t know. Will it stop a 10 year old playing the latest Modern Warfare 3 game on games consoles?

I’m glad to see they thinking about doing something along this lines.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/video-games-age-rules-140434895.html

Here is a link that supports my thoughts

http://articles.cnn.com/2008-11-03/health/healthmag.violent.video.kids_1_violent-video-video-games-game-genres?_s=PM:HEALTH

Some experts are even saying kids should be put on a 28 day detox program to help them beat the addition of games consoles. Thoughts on this are that video game addiction is one of the fastest growing types of addiction. There is no diagnosis of video game addiction, although it has been proposed for inclusion in the next version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), according to the Wikipedia web site the definition of  addiction  is:

1.The person needs more and more of a substance or behaviour to keep him/her going

2. If the person does not get more of the substance or behaviour, he/she becomes irritable and miserable.

I guess we will all see what will happen and I have no doubt that in the not too distant future I will be helping some of the people to overcome the problems the games have caused.

If you or anyone you know need help with this subject please contact me HERE

Adam Cowming

You?

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What does the word YOU mean to you?

 

A while ago I went on a very interesting workshop and from that I learned a lot of new tools, what I also found was an interesting technique I still use today is gaining rapport and breaking rapport with a client.  Language is so important in my job as are all forms of communication.

I see many clients who are unconsciously (not aware)trying to bring me into their world and it is equally important I do not allow myself to do that in order to give them the best therapy sessions. It is not that I don’t feel for them and their situation but rather a matter of being objective about it. So how do they do this, with the little word “YOU”!!!!

It has become so intertwined in all of our language that we don’t even notice it anymore, unless you really listen and take note. When a client is explaining how they would like me to help them they often use the word “you” for example “You know what I mean? “Or “When you are feeling down it is really bad”. I stop them and say “When I’m feeling down or you?” and I ask them from this point on to refer to themselves as I. “When I am feeling down it is really bad”, the reason I say this to them is how do they know how I’m feeling or have even ever felt as they do? Do I really want to feel the same as a client coming to me for help??? NO

It will break rapport with the client, but it will also stop any unconscious actions on their behalf. I find the client will really start thinking about what they are about to say, often they don’t even know that they have been talking this way. I set them a task to not say “You” where it is not needed and also to listen to how many other people talk using the word “You”. I find that I will gain rapport easily again with the client again even after this little blip, and the session goes well.

I have taught this to almost all of my clients. In the past even a counsellor  who came to me for help, they were taken back a bit when I pointed this out saying “I had no idea I had been doing and saying “You” all of this time”. They went away with some food for thought about their own approach to language and now also use the technique within their job as a counsellor.

I hope this will give YOU a little to think about and also help with your everyday communication skills.

If you need a little extra help in life contact me HERE

Adam Cowming

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Too little too late.

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Sometimes we don’t act fast enough and it’s Too little too late to stop smoking

First published on April 2, 2012

Smoking

 

This is a subject that gets a lot of bad press and for the right reasons, I’m not saying people shouldn’t have the right to smoke if they want too but I honestly believe smokers are deaf to the truth the damage they are doing to themselves and this from me who is an ex-smoker and someone who has seen the sad end results of smoking.

So let’s look at the facts to help you Stop Smoking.

What are in cigarettes?

Benzene
(petrol additive)
    • A colourless cyclic hydrocarbon obtained from coal and petroleum,        used as a solvent in fuel and in chemical manufacture – and contained in cigarette smoke.
  • A It known carcinogen associated with leukaemia.
Ammonia
(toilet cleaner)
    • Used as a flavouring, frees nicotine from tobacco turning it into a gas
  • Often found in dry cleaning fluids.
nail polish remover)
    • Fragrant volatile liquid ketone, used as a solvent, for example, nail polish remover
  • Found in cigarette smoke.
Tar
  • Particulate matter drawn into lungs when you inhale on a lighted cigarette. Once inhaled, smoke condenses and about 70 per cent of the tar in the smoke is deposited in the smoker’s lungs.
Nicotine
(insecticide/addictive drug)
    • One of the most addictive substances known to man, a powerful and        fast-acting medical and non-medical poison.
  • This is the chemical which causes addiction.
Carbon Monoxide (CO)
(car exhaust fumes)
    • An odourless, tasteless and poisonous gas, rapidly fatal in large        amounts
  • The same gas that comes out of car exhausts
  • The main gas in cigarette smoke, formed when the cigarette is lit

Harmful Health Effects of Smoking

  • Every year hundreds of thousands of people around the world die from diseases caused by smoking cigarettes– Smoking  KILLS.
  • One in two lifetime smokers will die from their habit. Half of these deaths will occur in middle age.
  • Tobacco smoke also contributes to a number of cancers.
  • The mixture of nicotine and carbon monoxide in each cigarette you smoke temporarily increases your heart rate and blood pressure, straining your heart and blood vessels.
  • This can cause heart attacks and stroke.  It slows your blood flow, cutting off oxygen to your feet and hands. Some smokers end up having their limbs amputated.
  • Tar coats your lungs like soot in a chimney and causes cancer. A 20-a-day smoker breathes in up to a full cup (210 g) of tar in a year.
  • Changing to low-tar cigarettes does not help because smokers usually take deeper puffs and hold the smoke in for longer, dragging the tar deeper into their lungs.
  • Carbon monoxide robs your muscles, brain and body tissue of oxygen, making your whole body and especially your heart work harder. Over time, your airways swell up and let less air into your lungs.
  • Smoking causes disease and is a slow way to die. The strain of smoking effects on the body often causes years of suffering.
  • Emphysema for  example is an illness that slowly rots your lungs. People with emphysema often get bronchitis again and again, and suffer lung and heart failure.
  • Lung cancer from smoking is caused by the tar n tobacco smoke.
  • Men who smoke are ten times more likely  to die from lung cancer than non-smokers.
  • Heart disease and strokes are also more common among smokers than non-smokers.
  • Smoking causes fat deposits to narrow and block blood vessels which lead to heart attack.
  • Smoking causes around one in five deaths from heart disease.
  • In younger people, three out of four deaths from heart disease are due to smoking
  • Cigarette smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of low birth weight, prematurity, spontaneous abortion, and perinatal mortality in humans, which has been referred to as the fatal tobacco syndrome.

Enough facts for now???

As a Hypnotherapist I see a lot of people wanting to Stop smoking and give up and it is part of my core business; I do 1 session usually lasting around 90 minutes to 2 hours.

Let me tell you a true story of an ex client I will call X.

X came to see me to help them stop smoking which I did in the one session. It was during this session X told me about some health problems he had though smoking and this was the reason for wanting to stop. A month after the session and still not smoking X got the results from tests he had had to have at a local hospital. X was told he had terminal cancer and only had a few months to live with NO chance of recovery. It was too little too late!!!

X told me that if they could turn back the clock they would have never tried that first cigarette. X who was not just a client but a friend which made it even harder to take the news as I also knew members of his family. I saw X over the next few months as he slowly deteriorated and couldn’t breathe without the aid of an oxygen mask. He sadly passed away and to this day it’s a great loss, I only wish X had got help 10 – 15 years earlier and maybe he would still be around today.

Smoking WAS the major cause of his cancer and their untimely passing. The truth is that smoking does not just affect the person smoking but also the family. Passive smoking is also not good for health, do you make your family smoke your cigarettes with you as well, maybe in the car with the kids in the back. Have you asked people if they want your smoke in their lungs?  If the worse happens like it did to X then it the family that has to pick up the pieces.

Think about it, how would you feel if you put your family though all that pain?

If you have said to yourself “I want to stop smoking” then you have come to the right place.

I hope that this will cause you to rethink if you do smoke and think about what your health will be like in 10 years’ time. If you want to give up and are serious about changing your life for the better please book an appointment and let’s work together to get you a happy, brighter and healthy future for you and your family.

If you are interested in my Stop Smoking Now programme contact me HERE

Regards

Adam Cowming CPNLP,CMH ,HPD

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

Phantom Limb Pain

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This is a story of how I help a memeber of my family with “Phantom Limb Pain”

First publish on March 17, 2012

Hi, my name is Adam Cowming and I’m a fully qualified hypnotherapist and this is my blog to tell you about some of the cases I have seen and people I’ve helped. I hope it will help other therapists and people who are interested in the power of the mind.

My Dads cousin Ken has been suffering from Phantom limb pain and asked for my help so of course being family I said yes.  So what is a Phantom limb? A phantom limb is the result of a limb that has been amputated. The person still feels the limb and in this case, pain in the limb. It’s important to first find if the (Phantom) limb is O.K. and not for example twisted in an odd position. If it is mirror therapy can be very effective in some cases. Mirror therapy has been widely used in the USA to great affect but still not so well know in the U.K with results being disappointing but I believe more research is being done by V. S. Ramachandran and D. Rogers-Ramachandran who are brilliant neurologists. Also the results are based on information Ken was told by the doctors in NHS cases and not private practices. The more we understand the better the science, theory and  technique will develop.

Here is a link to a series of lectures on BBC Radio 4 on the subject

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00ghvck

Ken had Phantom Limb Pain and wanted to try hypnotherapy.

Here is how the session went. I’ve only outlined the important parts of the session to make it easier to read.

I first did a very gentle induction and deepener to relax Ken and also to allow the unconscious part of his mind to come forward. I also set up a safe anchor in case of any abreaction. I decided to use a technique called parts therapy to start with.  Parts therapy basically allows me to speak direct to the part of the unconscious mind that controls the limb. I set up a signal on each hand, a finger for yes and a finger for no (ideo – motor finger signals), so the unconscious part of the mind could communicate with me by lifting or moving the fingers. Always allow the mind to choose which and fingers to use, never force your will on it.

I asked the “Part” if it knew the leg had been amputated and was no longer there, it moved the finger for no. This what I hoped would happen as my thoughts on it were that maybe the “Part” was still doing its job because the old limb had  lost the blood circulation, so I think it may be trying to heal the leg as it was before it was amputated and needed updating to acknowledge the limb has gone and give the part a new job. I think the part maybe still doing its job because the old limb had a blood clot, so I think it may be trying to heal the leg as it was before it was amputated and needs updating to acknowledge the limb has gone and give the part a new job

I then asked if it would like some new information I had for in concerning the limb, it signalled yes. I told the part the leg was now missing and that if it would like to continue to help Ken I have a more important job for it to do, again it signalled yes it was happy to take on this new job.

I first wanted the “Part” to see the limb had gone. I had asked Ken to take his prosthetic leg off before the start of the session. I told the part that I was going to count to 3 and on 3 I want it to open Ken’s eyes and see that the limb had been amputated and was not longer there. So on 3 Ken opened his eyes and I asked the part to look to where the leg had been amputated, I then asked for the part to close the eyes and take on this new information. I asked if the part now understood the leg had gone and again it said yes.

Now in hypnosis we call it fractionation when you get the person to open their eyes then to close them and the reason for this is person goes deeper into hypnosis but that is not what happened to Ken as the he didn’t consciously open his eyes but the unconscious “Part” did and he was not aware of that during or after the session and was surprised when I explained what had happened. After Ken closed his eyes I again asked the “Part” if it saw the leg had gone and now understood that there was no need for any pain in a leg that wasn’t there. It signaled yes again.

The idea to open the eyes had come from a discussion I had with Nick Davies who trained me to be a hypnotherapist (www.wsoh.co.uk) and we both thought it was a great idea if not a little different, we were both unsure if it would work but after the session Ken said he didn’t have any knowledge of his eyes opening during the session. So the part saw the missing leg not the conscious mind of Ken, it was a great move!!!

I then gave the part a new job of stopping any future pain to the phantom limb to which the part said it was happy to take on this new role, again also saying that if the body needs Ken to look at the leg that is still there and healthy to let him know because pain is the bodies natural signal that something is wrong so I don’t want to stop that happening. It also agreed to this.

I then told Ken I was going to lift his arm out in front of him (arm catalepsy) and for the arm to support itself. I then asked the unconscious part to go and update itself with all the new information and when it had successfully done this to allow the arm to drop nice and gently back into Ken’s lap, this took around about 30 seconds.

I then did some basic pain relieve with him and anchored a imaginary pain controller on his hand by squeezing his thumb and finger together so his body would release a natural and safe dose of pain relief. I also told him that to have this controller was a great responsibility not to be miss used and only to be used when it is necessary .

I then bought Ken out of trance, he said he felt wonderfully relax and that he know the limb somehow felt different about the old Phantom Limb Pain.

I advised Ken to now go back to his GP and explain that he had under gone a Hypnotherapy session using the “Parts Therapy Technique” and that we were confident the brain has now all the new information it needs. I have also agreed to be contacted by the GP if she has any questions about the session. Ken said he now wanted to reduce the pain killers he was on WITH the GP advice and guidance to see if the pain had gone. I will wait for the results from Ken and keep you updated to his progress on this journey but from a personal point of view I am confident that I have helped Ken remove all of the problems he had.

I hope you enjoyed and learnt a little from this post and I will continue to write and tell you about the interesting cases and also about the different therapies I use for different things

I was waiting before writing this to find out how effective the session has been for Ken and I’m please to report the following that Ken is very please with the progress so far.

Note from Ken “Pleased to report definitely some improvement this week with the phantom problem so will see what happens next week and will let you know”

To book an appointment please go HERE

Adam Cowming CPNLP,CMH ,HPD

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

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