Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy

Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy

Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy

So what do I mean by the title of this blog “Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy”?

I believe that is a lot of uncertainty when seeking help from a therapist.

I see clients all the time who come to see me with a lot of anticipation of what’s going to happen and generally the whole therapy process / experience.  There is still a stigma attached to seeking help in the UK where people consider themselves weak for asking for help.

I also believe this sigma is incorrect in fact in my opinion it takes a great deal of strength to realise you need help and to make that call to someone like myself and why I intend to help as many people as I can.

I think therapy should in most cases be like talking to an old friend where the client feels relaxed, at ease and most of all understood and listened to!

I also work in a way that incorporates humour where appropriate and make it fun, as a therapist I find this greatly improves the session for myself and the client.

I take away all the mystery and big so called intelligent words and talk and explain everything in a down to earth manner just like I would expect if I were a client.

If you have any questions please contact me.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy Coventry


Secondary Gain

Secondary Gain

 

Secondary gains are the “benefits” people get from NOT overcoming a problem. For many people who are stuck, secondary gains are an important mechanism in why they stay stuck. Secondary gain is usually not something people are consciously aware of e.g. generally the person is not being consciously manipulative or faking (the distress/impairment is still real).

When a client is asked what secondary gain they have by hanging on to their illness or negative behavior they are often oblivious to how their terrible struggle with the illness or behavior could benefit them in any way. In other words, they are not consciously refusing to change. Once a secondary gain is identified and brought to the conscious level it can be very insightful and life changing.

Take a moment and consider a change in your life you have repeatedly addressed with minimal progress. Challenge yourself to acknowledge how the unhealthy behavior or habit benefits you. What would you potentially lose by creating change in your life?

Sometimes the client will have no idea as to why the habit continues. It has gone unconscious become a habit an autopilot response and gone in to that part of our old brain that is concerned with survival.

Our subconscious mind or at least at part of it does seem to have a limited intelligence. This part is often called our inner child, by some. At this level of mind decisions are made that effect our lives, sometimes in huge ways.

How do we figure out whether we have secondary gain issues?

Be honest, very honest with yourself when answering this question – Am I standing in my own way? If you are getting an emotional reaction while reading this (anger, frustration, sadness, sorrow, or a sense of loss), it is very likely that your secondary gain issue is coming up.

Address it now. Remove it from your nonconscious mind remembering that your hidden mind does not want to give it up without a fight. Bring your secondary gain into your conscious mind by writing it down, journaling about it, making an audio or video recording of it, or talking to a therapist or a life coach about so that you are free to move on.

Feel free to share other ways you know of to overcome the secondary gain trap or contact me privately if you need some help.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


Comfort Eating

Comfort Eating

 

Comfort eating can be a problem to some people who are trying to reduce their waist lines.

The problem is it can be a very hard cycle to break with very deep underlying reasons for the behaviour that needs to be addressed or it can continue.

Have you ever found yourself eating treats even when you are not hungry?

Or just eating far too much without wanting to stop?

Have you ever hidden food or been a secret eater?

At the time this can make you feel good, some people even get a buzz from what is an out of control feeling. So why would people like the feeling of being out of control? I have found that most people live a normal life are can control other aspects of their lives perfectly well but not their eating. The main problem is they are after a quick fix or lift in mood bought on by the sugar rush from the food. As a general rule, calories are not our enemy. The fat stored in our bodies does not come from ingesting more calories, it comes entirely from eating foods rich in sugars and carbohydrates which score high on the Glycemic Index.

So let’s look at sugar a little closer.

Simple sugars are just a few molecules of sugar molecules strung together. Sugar is in a lot of things and can affect us in many different ways.
Complex carbohydrates a many hundreds of different sugar molecules strung together
Starches – the most sugar molecules strung together
Simple sugars are lowest on the GI, Complex next, starches highest – all are however high on the GI
Carbohydrates are just long chain sugar molecules and are not necessary for human life
Saccharides is another word for carbohydrates
Carbohydrates are an immediate source of energy – useful for immediate needs in sports
Average human stores 1500g glycogen enough to run around 20miles
Fruits are best for providing the quick bursts of energy we may require such as for sport.

The problem arises normally after eating such foods. At the time of eat we often justify it or just eat and worry about it later. The thing is later comes all too soon! People can have feelings such as guilt, embarrassment, shame, low self-esteem to name a few. These feeling are worth looking at, at a deeper level with a professional therapist who will help you to explore them and understand them in a much fuller way. It is only when we look at these issues that people normal can address them and move on properly with a greater knowledge and understanding of themselves and their behaviors.

The cycle goes feel bad, eat to feel better, feel better, feel bad about eating, eat to feel better again. The thing is the feeling better will only last a very short time whereas the negative emotions can last a long time.

It can often be linked to low self-confidence and esteem or sometime to food being a comfort at an early age during difficult times in their life. For some clients I’ve seen they have said it was the one thing that never let them down and was always there for them. They had very strong associations with food and comfort eating. Food was their drug of choice.

The thing to start to thinking about is that once the negative associations are broken then food can still be enjoyed but they can cope with life in a much more positive way and yes still enjoy a treat !

Get in touch for information on how I can help you HERE.

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


The Last Resort

 

I often hear from new client that hypnotherapy is their last resort and that they have tried everything else until someone mentioned ringing a hypnotherapist because they or someone they know has been to see one and it worked on that issue.

So why is hypnotherapy seen by the general public as a last resort?

I believe it’s because they are afraid we can take over their minds, there are a lot of myths and hearsay out there that just isn’t based on any truth.

They may have seen a stage hypnosis show and think that is what happens and they may be made to feel silly. I for one love watching a good stage hypnosis show and have some good friends who are great stage hypnotist but who are equally good therapists as well. My friends do the show and I know for a fact they get therapy work from those show. The shows are more about show what the human mind is capable of and having a little fun along the way. I believe that the stage shows are a good thing as long as they are done correctly which I know all my friends do and do to a very high standard.

I like to see a client after the first session to see what difference it has made, normally there has been a mental unconscious shift to allow the client to gain more control in that area of their life that wanted the help with. Some clients it can be a very subtle change but one they have noticed between sessions or others they come in and say that they can’t believe the difference one or two sessions has made to their life.

The modern hypnotherapist has moved on from some of the public perception of swinging pocket watches.  I personally study things like neurology to get a better understanding of how the human mind works and reacts to certain things. I study modern psychology to learn about behaviours and how new thinking is progressing on these matters. I like to look at new and existing idea’s, I also study from some of the people who came up with some of these idea’s years ago as I believe there is always a value to learning something new or indeed going back over things again. I certainly don’t know it all and never will, but I’m happy to continue my learning wherever that may take me.

I use all of my knowledge to help my clients get the best results for them. I’m not saying I can help 100% of the people through my door but I have a good success rate and referral rate from past clients.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk / 024 76362360


The Drama Triangle

 

The Drama Triangle

 

The drama triangle is something I have seen time and time again in unhealthy relationships. It can be in new relationships or long term marriages however the people in it normally are not aware of it or are too scared to do anything about it.

So what is the drama triangle and how does it work?

There are 3 stances

Victim

This is someone who is “poor me!” Victims see themselves as victimized, oppressed, powerless, helpless, hopeless, dejected, and ashamed, and come across as “super-sensitive,”

Rescuers

The stance of the rescuer is “Let me help you!” Rescuers work hard to help and caretake other people, and even need to help other people to feel good about themselves, while neglecting their own needs or not taking responsibility for meeting their own needs.

Persecutors

The stance of the persecutor is “It’s all your fault!” Persecutors criticize and blame the victim, set strict limits, can be controlling, rigid, authoritative, angry and unpleasant. They keep the victim feeling oppressed through threats and bullying.

 

 

The victim will look and indeed attract a rescuer into their life. Once a relationship is formed then things are first seem great, the victim is getting the support and attention from the rescuer. The rescuer is feeling fulfilled because they are helping someone.

After time because the victim doesn’t really want to change from that stance, they want to stay a victim because they like the attention. They don’t really want to be rescued so they change into a persecutor role pushing the rescuer away by blaming them saying for example everything is their fault.
The rescuer then becomes the victim!

People in this relationship can and often do swap between roles of victim and persecutor continuing the cycle of the drama triangle.

If you are in this situation or recognise this pattern in your life or relationship it may be an idea to get some therapy so to look at a deeper level what causes you to act this way.

I can help with that and invite you to a free consultation, book here today.
Regards
Adam


The Mountain of Life

The Mountain of Life

December 22, 2014

 

I love climbing peaks and mountains, I done a fair bit of it over the past years and will carry on in the New Year. I see the mountains as a metaphor for life in many ways, for my life and also many people around me.

In life we can find just like a mountain arriving at a place that we can be unsure of or a little overwhelmed, it can seem such a task or so far to the end goal that we get natural feeling and some feel like running away and hiding, turning around convincing ourselves that we can’t or won’t attempt the mountain or challenge.  We don’t want to take something on that seems too big or may beat us. I can think of a few thing in my life this year that have put me to the test on a personal scale that made me so nervous and yes I had the scary feeling that I didn’t know what to do straight away I had to think about the decisions along the way go for it.

When I arrive at the base of a mountain or peak I know that it going to be an uphill struggle and there will be places where it becomes a challenge even scary but I know in my mind I must forge on like many walkers and hikers have done before me. The path is well trodden so I know it can be done even if it takes me a little while to get going.

Mountains and peak are not always all uphill there be times when the path runs flat and smooth, a time to get my breath back and reflect on life a little. Just like life is O.K. to stop and have a little break to access how far you have come and how far to have to go. The important thing is to get going again, put one foot in front of the other and try to see what ‘s a head the best you can you can.  Some of the more challenging uphill climbs are hard and to try to take them on with some little stops on the way would be tough, so give yourself a break if you need one and don’t be so hard on yourself.

I’ve often got to the top of a mountain or peak and because of the weather seen well not a lot. Some people moan that what’s the point walking up there to see nothing but cloud or mist. For me I get a sense of inner peace that I is really special to me, you see it not about  getting to the top for me it’s the steps I took along the way. When I can see the view its spectacular and breath-taking in its sheer beauty and a bonus at the top.

When times are hard or difficult we often forget that life is a journey and that it doesn’t always go the way we want. It takes guts to hang in there and see the hard times though but the lessons we learn from that tough time is well learn and so valuable that it needs to be appreciated for what it was or is.  There is no growth in comfort so being uncomfortable is a way of learning about ourselves and becoming better people through it.

It take me a while sometimes to see the greatest of lessons that life has taught me.

Over this Christmas and New Year be nice to people you meet ,smile and enjoy the moments you have no matter how small they may be.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and let make 2015 the best year yet !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

July 11, 2014

 

This was on the BBC today and thought I would write a short blog on the subject.

Hundreds of thousands of obese people with type 2 diabetes could get weight-loss surgery on the NHS, that’s up to 800,00 people !

What about the NHS spending money education to those overweight people?

I see a lot of clients on my “Weight Management Programme” and one of the key things I teach to those people is the importance of eating clean healthy food and introducing some steady regular exercise into their daily routine. The NHS would be better off spending the vast amount of money they would have spent on help those people through therapy and education in my opinion.

 

Link to BBC news story

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/obese-diabetes-sufferers-could-nhs-ops-002311753.html#ZmaSdQb

 

Most clients I see openly admit that they have allowed the weight to pile on year after year without knowing where to go and normally have no clue about nutritionally good food or they claim to know it all but never put it into practice. There is also normally a reason for the emotional over eating and comfort eating.

I think that giving so many people the operation will lead more to a situation where they won’t care about their weight or long term health because they will have a sort of get out of jail card from the NHS. If they get too fat they will just go and have the gastric band operation and forget about taking any sort of responsibly for what they eat or their own health.  After the operation they will have to be more careful so why wait until it gets to that stage.

A better idea is to get people way before then maybe a government education classes on healthy living and eating show people it’s not that hard and cost no more to eat healthy than it to eat fast food or processed crap. Set up class where they are encouraged to exercise as part of the programme.

I know that hypnotherapy is really great for weight management but there are so many other sorts of therapy open to people including psychological therapies, gym schemes, personal trainers who should know about the nutrition but to name a few.

The government doesn’t need to look too hard for professionals already out there willing to help and the money would be better spent employing those people than surgeons who are already over whelmed by the demand for this surgery.

What do you think, have your say !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


Rest and Recuperation

Rest and Recuperation

June 17, 2014

 

 

Rest is a very important part of recovery for the body and mind. Too many people over look or deny themselves this, we all need it and it is important.

I’ve just got back from 9 days in Egypt, I needed the holiday as I been working hard on my business and haven’t taken a real break for a couple of years. I’ve had the odd long weekend away but not a solid block of time relax and switch off. I didn’t check my phone or emails or did I want to, I wanted a complete break. Apart from some scuba diving which I find very relaxing I just chilled out in the sun being very lazy indeed. I am very careful and do take days off in the week and regularly do self-hypnosis.

People live very busy life’s week in week out and don’t release the toll it can take to often it’s too late and they start to become ill. People can get flu-like symptoms and just think it a cold but it’s the bodies way of try to slow you down almost a little warning sign to say you need to get some rest.

I have 2 friends whom I know have suffered as a results of living too much of a stressful life, one collapsed with stress which was caused by trying to do too much and not taking a break. My other friend is now suffering and this was caused by stress of work and personal issues. Both of these friends developed ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Chronic fatigue syndrome causes persistent fatigue (exhaustion) that affects everyday life and doesn’t go away with sleep or rest.  It is estimated that around 250,000 people in the UK have CFS

Having talked about this with them one of my friends said he believes the body has a set point of energy which we can dip in and out of every day but if we keep going into the reserves without giving it back then the body and mind will only allow this to happen before it starts the warning signs and then as a last resort it can shut us down by in some cases developing ME to not allow us to ever take too much again.  If we use 85% of energy and that safe to do every day then when we start using that extra 15% without giving back or in other words resting and having a break then it becomes a problem. My friends set point are now at a guess 50% of what they used to be getting tired very fast often feeling completely exhausted after a normal day. Please note: These cases are from what my friends have told me, and NOT me giving medical diagnosis.

We don’t fully understand what causes the illness. There are likely to be a number of factors involved. It sometimes affects more than one family member. The reasons are being studied but it seems your genes can play a part, as can the influence of your environment.

My advice would be to listen to what your body is telling you. If you know you need a break book a couple of days off and rest and give back what energy you may have taken and try not to go over that 85% if you do give it back as soon as possible. Try not to put yourself under long-term stress and strains in work or personal life. Look at learning some progressive relaxation techniques and do 10 minutes every day or even better learn self-hypnosis.

If you find yourself really struggling to de-stress then why not consider a stress buster session either with myself or someone local to you.

See you soon

Adam

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


Books.

February 3, 2014

 

People often ask me what sort of books or study I do, or they  ask what book I would recommend for self-help and improvement.

Well there are many questions like that and many good books on the subject, far too many write about in one blog.

What I’ve decided to do is just to tell you about a few of my favourite books that have helped me and given me the greater knowledge and I hope they will do for you too.

Anthony Robbins – Unlimited Power

This book was one of the first books I read that started to help me to understand how to change my own mind set and even perceptions around what I could achieve. I have read it a number of times and still love to pick it up and flick through it. He also wrote Awaken The Giant Within which he wrote before Unlimited Power but I read this after, possibly the wrong way around but it was still well worth reading this also is very inspirational for me giving answers and helping to believe in myself more. I recommend anything by Robbins

Mapping The Mind – Rita Carter

The best book and maybe the only one you will need until she brings out her next book on the brain and how it works. It is simply packed full of case studies and simple yet fully explains everything it very reader friendly way, in other word you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to understand this book. It will help you to understand this at times complicated subject. We all have a brain so why find out how that thing between our ears works !

I’m OK You’re OK – Thomas A Harris

This book was key to me getting to grips with the Parent- Adult- Child model of the personality otherwise known as Transactional Analysis. This book can get a little heavy and will take a little more reading but once you understand it , it opens up a completely new understanding of how we work and way we act, feel and say the thing we do sometimes.

Change Your Mind And Keep The Change – Steve & Connirae Andreas

This is another powerful book written by the brilliant Steve & Connirae. It is based on some advanced NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). This book gives different strategies to deal with issues and problem in life. It is written in a very easy to understand way. The name Andreas within my industry is a haul mark of quality and knowledge and together this family has done a great deal to advance the field of personal change and NLP.

 The Rainbow Machine – Andrew T Austin

Tales from a neurolinguist’s journal is how Andrew has presented this little gem. I’ve trained with Andrew on a few occasions and his humour yet knowledge is a great joy to listen to. In this book he recounts some of his more memorable cases and events. Some will make you laugh; some will make you gasp in horror. He has a very different approach to many therapist and to be honest it very refreshing. It really is worth a read.

Free Will – Sam Harris

If you think you have a free will then this book will make you rethink your beliefs on this subject. It is very interesting and intelligently written. It will only take you about a hour or so to read but is well worth the time.

What am I reading at the moment?

Phantoms In The Brain – V S Ramachandran…..and so far it’s been a great brilliantly interesting neurological read. I ‘m about a 1/3 of the way through it.

I hope you enjoy the books if you decide to expand your knowledge.

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

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The Comfort Zone

January 6, 2014

The Comfort Zone

Do you spent a lot of time in your comfort zone? It is nice and safe and we don’t have to do what we don’t really want to do!

However, is that useful or healthy?

I’d like you to think back to the last lesson you really learnt in your life, have a good think.

At the time was that an easy or hard lesson to learn?

I’ve found in my life and speaking to people, the general feeling on this subject is that we only learn real lesson when in life things are not going so well, our backs are against the wall so to speak.

The great thing is we come though those times with some information of great value even if at the time it life seemed to be very hard or you were in a tough situation.

We spend a lot of time in our comfort zones day to day and that makes us very unsure of dipping our toes outside of it, it’s a bit scary at times. You may have to face your fears or do something you wouldn’t normal have or like to do. For some people that can be speaking up to the boss or applying for a new job. We make our comfort zones so you will know where yours is and what things may be outside of that.

This time of year lot of people are thinking about stepping out of their zone, for example if you want to get fit going to the gym can seem very intimidating because people think they are full of thin fit looking people and they will look silly or out of place. The reality is most people are plugged into their MP3 players and are uninterested who is around them.

Geoff Thompson has a great saying “There is no growth in comfort.” I have to say I agree on a person level. I had to learn lots of hard lessons and step out of my cosy comfort zone. It has made me the person I am. My comfort zone is now bigger but I know I need to keep stepping outside that and challenging myself to continue my growth.

A perfect example of this is doing this is training courses. When I started learning NLP, Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy I had to step the furthest out of my comfort zone that I have done for a while.

Why?

I had old limiting beliefs that I couldn’t learn easily and was a bit thick. I had many wonderful wobbles and near melt downs on that journey and now I’m so glad it was hard because the wonderful reward that is now the job I love means so much more to me.

I regularly go on training courses with some of the best know trainer s in the UK and the world, guess what to do this I have to step out of that nice comfort zone and a mix with some highly intelligent people which always makes me wobble a bit! But I know I have to push myself and go, it gives me so much growth and inner self belief after the courses. Yes I was feeling nervous and apprehensive. I think to myself, will I be brainy enough to understand everything or will I ask the right questions without sounding stupid?

The reality is yes I can mix with these people and hold a conversation without them looking at me for sounding silly. My training and continue study and self-development has pushed me to become a person of knowledge and someone who will continue to push myself to feel uncomfortable in order to grow as a person.

How do you promote growth in your life?

If you want one to one help please contact me.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk