Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy

Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy

Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy

So what do I mean by the title of this blog “Take The Anxiety Out Of Therapy”?

I believe that is a lot of uncertainty when seeking help from a therapist.

I see clients all the time who come to see me with a lot of anticipation of what’s going to happen and generally the whole therapy process / experience.  There is still a stigma attached to seeking help in the UK where people consider themselves weak for asking for help.

I also believe this sigma is incorrect in fact in my opinion it takes a great deal of strength to realise you need help and to make that call to someone like myself and why I intend to help as many people as I can.

I think therapy should in most cases be like talking to an old friend where the client feels relaxed, at ease and most of all understood and listened to!

I also work in a way that incorporates humour where appropriate and make it fun, as a therapist I find this greatly improves the session for myself and the client.

I take away all the mystery and big so called intelligent words and talk and explain everything in a down to earth manner just like I would expect if I were a client.

If you have any questions please contact me.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy Coventry


Secondary Gain

Secondary Gain

 

Secondary gains are the “benefits” people get from NOT overcoming a problem. For many people who are stuck, secondary gains are an important mechanism in why they stay stuck. Secondary gain is usually not something people are consciously aware of e.g. generally the person is not being consciously manipulative or faking (the distress/impairment is still real).

When a client is asked what secondary gain they have by hanging on to their illness or negative behavior they are often oblivious to how their terrible struggle with the illness or behavior could benefit them in any way. In other words, they are not consciously refusing to change. Once a secondary gain is identified and brought to the conscious level it can be very insightful and life changing.

Take a moment and consider a change in your life you have repeatedly addressed with minimal progress. Challenge yourself to acknowledge how the unhealthy behavior or habit benefits you. What would you potentially lose by creating change in your life?

Sometimes the client will have no idea as to why the habit continues. It has gone unconscious become a habit an autopilot response and gone in to that part of our old brain that is concerned with survival.

Our subconscious mind or at least at part of it does seem to have a limited intelligence. This part is often called our inner child, by some. At this level of mind decisions are made that effect our lives, sometimes in huge ways.

How do we figure out whether we have secondary gain issues?

Be honest, very honest with yourself when answering this question – Am I standing in my own way? If you are getting an emotional reaction while reading this (anger, frustration, sadness, sorrow, or a sense of loss), it is very likely that your secondary gain issue is coming up.

Address it now. Remove it from your nonconscious mind remembering that your hidden mind does not want to give it up without a fight. Bring your secondary gain into your conscious mind by writing it down, journaling about it, making an audio or video recording of it, or talking to a therapist or a life coach about so that you are free to move on.

Feel free to share other ways you know of to overcome the secondary gain trap or contact me privately if you need some help.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


Addiction

Addiction

 

This is a big subject with so much information and opinions out there that I am going to glide over it because it impossible for me to go to in-depth without baffling or boring you.

The most common addiction I see are smoking, alcohol, food, drugs and gambling. I’m am not allowed to treat alcoholics/drugs takers without their doctors permission but I do get people who want to control or stop their intake more before it becomes a problem.

Why do people get addicted?

In my experience it is because they are trying to replace something they have lost or never had in their life. Look at some of the fallen stars in the world; they are replacing all the fame and attention. They need a buzz. The latest research is saying that the brain of addicts does not produce enough dopamine and the substance that the addict is using i.e. drugs bridges that gap in the chemical imbalance.

There are people trying to forget a past event or events in life. People who have suffered abuse or have had a horrible childhood for example because it blocks the memories coming through, others have never felt worthy or love.

There are people who have addictive personalities who try something and find hard to stop. Some people hit the self-destruct button and will find anything to do.

The thing that is common is that they can hide the addiction very well to the point even the close family won’t know, they can become very deceptive and defensive if they suspect anyone knows. It’s well known that alcoholics will hide the bottles of booze around the house and even in the garden.

 

I want to tell you about a good friend of mine in fact he was my best friend for many years. I knew Craig most of my life, we lived a street apart, attended the same school and knew a lot of the same people. Craig and I became firm friends when we met again at a local social club when I was 16-17 and from then were like brothers in arms. I never saw Craig as having a problem; we went out most nights for 3 or 4 pints and a game of snooker for many years until we started working shifts, yes in the same factory. So we worked, drank and socialized together. Craig was always a bit of a lad, he did nothing bad but liked a joint and a drink which at the time I also took part in, a decision I now regret deeply. He always seemed to push it more than anyone else, for example last orders at the bar he would order 2 pints and chasers where as I would maybe have a pint. He smoked the strongest cannabis he could get, I never really used to smoke it on my own only with friends but Craig smoked every day. Craig got married to a lovely girl and bought a house, they had a beautiful daughter Chloe whom he adored. All this time his drinking was getting worse. He would drink Rum/Vodka and strong Cider. No one ever suspected it was becoming a problem with the exception of this then wife.

The car factory where we worked closed and we were all made redundant and Craig hit the self-destruct button and his drinking got so bad that the marriage broke down and he moved out. He drank until he couldn’t feel any more pain, the marriage break up hurt him but it was his drinking that caused it. He was in complete denial about everything. Over the next couple of years Craig carried on drinking causing him to be admitted to hospital of many occasions for detox then coming out a straight back on the drink. I tried to help and so did many others, in the end I found myself having no choice but to distance myself from him. I just couldn’t watch him kill himself, I did sit down and tell him this but again because of the drink I don’t think he could remember me doing this.

Craig died.

Sat here now a good few years or so after his death I still miss my mate and yes I have tears in my eyes writing this.

I did not have the skills and knowledge I have now or I would have tried to help and get him through it.

Addition has touched me and Craig’s family in a way I hope it never does for you.

If you feel something in your life is getting out of hand or you need a little help please get in touch and always consult with your doctor. Taking the first step to getting help is an important one, and then the real work begins, the WHY? It will be a hard and often emotional time but it is part of the healing process and without it, it will be hard to move on in life.

Please contact me HERE for your free consultation or further information

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


The Last Resort

 

I often hear from new client that hypnotherapy is their last resort and that they have tried everything else until someone mentioned ringing a hypnotherapist because they or someone they know has been to see one and it worked on that issue.

So why is hypnotherapy seen by the general public as a last resort?

I believe it’s because they are afraid we can take over their minds, there are a lot of myths and hearsay out there that just isn’t based on any truth.

They may have seen a stage hypnosis show and think that is what happens and they may be made to feel silly. I for one love watching a good stage hypnosis show and have some good friends who are great stage hypnotist but who are equally good therapists as well. My friends do the show and I know for a fact they get therapy work from those show. The shows are more about show what the human mind is capable of and having a little fun along the way. I believe that the stage shows are a good thing as long as they are done correctly which I know all my friends do and do to a very high standard.

I like to see a client after the first session to see what difference it has made, normally there has been a mental unconscious shift to allow the client to gain more control in that area of their life that wanted the help with. Some clients it can be a very subtle change but one they have noticed between sessions or others they come in and say that they can’t believe the difference one or two sessions has made to their life.

The modern hypnotherapist has moved on from some of the public perception of swinging pocket watches.  I personally study things like neurology to get a better understanding of how the human mind works and reacts to certain things. I study modern psychology to learn about behaviours and how new thinking is progressing on these matters. I like to look at new and existing idea’s, I also study from some of the people who came up with some of these idea’s years ago as I believe there is always a value to learning something new or indeed going back over things again. I certainly don’t know it all and never will, but I’m happy to continue my learning wherever that may take me.

I use all of my knowledge to help my clients get the best results for them. I’m not saying I can help 100% of the people through my door but I have a good success rate and referral rate from past clients.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk / 024 76362360


New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

My Quick Guide.

Did you know that only 8 percent (or maybe it’s 12 percent) of people end up accomplishing their New Year’s Resolutions? That means that 92 (or 88) out of 100 New Year’s Resolutions end in “in-complete” and utter failure.

The first step of this process involves a period of self-reflection and introspection. This is a very important step because it lays down the foundations for the New Year’s Resolutions you will set for the coming 12 months. These foundations are set in place when you clearly understand where you’ve come from, what you’ve done to get here, and how your life will potentially unfold in the future as a result of these experiences.

Well, now’s your chance to sit down and prepare a list of important lifestyle changes you want to make, and being the charitable and caring person that I am here at, I’ve decided to give you a bit of help – because since the majority of people fail to stick to their resolution, you’ll need all the help you can get.

Send an email to your future self. Seriously, do it lets you send an email to yourself in the future at a date you specify. A great way to bridge the gap between your present and future selves is to tell your future self how your current actions will benefit yourself in the future.

Keeping a diary of your progress is a useful way to help you stay on track and see how far you’ve come. Enlisting the support of friends and family by explaining what you’re trying to achieve is another good way to help you stick to your goal.

Set your goals on a number of levels:

  • First you create your “big picture” of what you want to do with your life (or over, say, the next 10 years), and identify the large-scale goals that you want to achieve.
  • Then, you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you must hit to reach your lifetime goals.
  • Finally, once you have your plan, you start working on it to achieve these goals.

This is why we start the process of setting goals by looking at your lifetime goals. Then, we work down to the things that you can do in, say, the next five years, then next year, next month, next week, and today, to start moving towards them.

It’s important to understand that the intentions you set for the New Year will never be realized if you keep living at the same level as last year. New goals require a new set of habits, rituals and beliefs. These three elements in combination will help you create the momentum you need to follow through with your intentions to attain your New Year’s Resolutions. You will therefore need to make modifications on all three levels if you desire to realize concrete long-term results. And of course, the best way to begin doing this is by raising your personal standards.

I wish you the greatest of success along this journey and the very best for the year ahead!

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

info@blhypnotherapy.co.uk


The Drama Triangle

 

The Drama Triangle

 

The drama triangle is something I have seen time and time again in unhealthy relationships. It can be in new relationships or long term marriages however the people in it normally are not aware of it or are too scared to do anything about it.

So what is the drama triangle and how does it work?

There are 3 stances

Victim

This is someone who is “poor me!” Victims see themselves as victimized, oppressed, powerless, helpless, hopeless, dejected, and ashamed, and come across as “super-sensitive,”

Rescuers

The stance of the rescuer is “Let me help you!” Rescuers work hard to help and caretake other people, and even need to help other people to feel good about themselves, while neglecting their own needs or not taking responsibility for meeting their own needs.

Persecutors

The stance of the persecutor is “It’s all your fault!” Persecutors criticize and blame the victim, set strict limits, can be controlling, rigid, authoritative, angry and unpleasant. They keep the victim feeling oppressed through threats and bullying.

 

 

The victim will look and indeed attract a rescuer into their life. Once a relationship is formed then things are first seem great, the victim is getting the support and attention from the rescuer. The rescuer is feeling fulfilled because they are helping someone.

After time because the victim doesn’t really want to change from that stance, they want to stay a victim because they like the attention. They don’t really want to be rescued so they change into a persecutor role pushing the rescuer away by blaming them saying for example everything is their fault.
The rescuer then becomes the victim!

People in this relationship can and often do swap between roles of victim and persecutor continuing the cycle of the drama triangle.

If you are in this situation or recognise this pattern in your life or relationship it may be an idea to get some therapy so to look at a deeper level what causes you to act this way.

I can help with that and invite you to a free consultation, book here today.
Regards
Adam


The Mountain of Life

The Mountain of Life

December 22, 2014

 

I love climbing peaks and mountains, I done a fair bit of it over the past years and will carry on in the New Year. I see the mountains as a metaphor for life in many ways, for my life and also many people around me.

In life we can find just like a mountain arriving at a place that we can be unsure of or a little overwhelmed, it can seem such a task or so far to the end goal that we get natural feeling and some feel like running away and hiding, turning around convincing ourselves that we can’t or won’t attempt the mountain or challenge.  We don’t want to take something on that seems too big or may beat us. I can think of a few thing in my life this year that have put me to the test on a personal scale that made me so nervous and yes I had the scary feeling that I didn’t know what to do straight away I had to think about the decisions along the way go for it.

When I arrive at the base of a mountain or peak I know that it going to be an uphill struggle and there will be places where it becomes a challenge even scary but I know in my mind I must forge on like many walkers and hikers have done before me. The path is well trodden so I know it can be done even if it takes me a little while to get going.

Mountains and peak are not always all uphill there be times when the path runs flat and smooth, a time to get my breath back and reflect on life a little. Just like life is O.K. to stop and have a little break to access how far you have come and how far to have to go. The important thing is to get going again, put one foot in front of the other and try to see what ‘s a head the best you can you can.  Some of the more challenging uphill climbs are hard and to try to take them on with some little stops on the way would be tough, so give yourself a break if you need one and don’t be so hard on yourself.

I’ve often got to the top of a mountain or peak and because of the weather seen well not a lot. Some people moan that what’s the point walking up there to see nothing but cloud or mist. For me I get a sense of inner peace that I is really special to me, you see it not about  getting to the top for me it’s the steps I took along the way. When I can see the view its spectacular and breath-taking in its sheer beauty and a bonus at the top.

When times are hard or difficult we often forget that life is a journey and that it doesn’t always go the way we want. It takes guts to hang in there and see the hard times though but the lessons we learn from that tough time is well learn and so valuable that it needs to be appreciated for what it was or is.  There is no growth in comfort so being uncomfortable is a way of learning about ourselves and becoming better people through it.

It take me a while sometimes to see the greatest of lessons that life has taught me.

Over this Christmas and New Year be nice to people you meet ,smile and enjoy the moments you have no matter how small they may be.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and let make 2015 the best year yet !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


The Under Dog

The Under Dog

October 9, 2014

 

This is a bit of a strange subject I know because it’s one I’ve lived.

Let me explain and expose my true feeling and emotions on the subject.

I left school with NO exam result, NOTHING, ZERO. I started my work life as the underdog; I had to work hard for every penny in manual jobs. I did for a long time, thinking that’s my lot.

Life moves us in different directions, often not planned or even thought of. I am that person.

I was labelled at school as a “Special Needs” kid because I didn’t and still don’t learn in a traditional way, and to be fair to the teachers they were taught to teach one way and didn’t really know any other way. I know I had some great teachers but the information never really went in as it should do. Does this make me thick? NO

I’ve fought thought-out my life to become a better more educated person and I believe we are intelligent in so many different ways. I’ve seen top university students who are far more superior to me in intellect pull a door when it clearly states push and continue to do so looking a little confused.( I did laugh just a little)

I still struggled everyday with learning IF I’m not interested or if it is not presented in a way I understand, I want to bring this to you attention because as many of you know I face my fears and I don’t care that much if people agree or disagree with me. I’m writing this to help people like myself who may think they struggle to take information in.

Let me ask you a question do you look, listen of feel you understand information?

I’m a very visual person, I like to see information. I learn a lots from books and video’s however if someone gave me an audio to listen to I may not take that information in as quickly. We ALL learn in our own way. I believe that we all are intelligent. I know a builder who can’t read or write but if I need a wall building I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone else because he’s simply a brilliant bricky, I need my kitchen roof plastered ,again I will ask my friend who has done work for me in the past, will I ask him a math question or anything, NO. He can plaster and is bloody good at what he does, that to me is all I need to know. He is good at what he does and how he learnt that trade or skill is no business of mine. He works on results, the end product or finish just like me!

So I guess in summery I asking you to step back and not judge someone before you really understand and know their skills, I’m not great at spelling but I can help someone get rid of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) , I can help people to lose weight, gain control of anxiety and panic attacks among a whole list of things.

Before you judge someone have your facts and prejudging filter off because that person could be more skilled that you give them credit for.

From Adam who some people used to think I was thick and stupid, and for those of you who think I still am BRING IT ON!

Go out there and be the best you !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

July 11, 2014

 

This was on the BBC today and thought I would write a short blog on the subject.

Hundreds of thousands of obese people with type 2 diabetes could get weight-loss surgery on the NHS, that’s up to 800,00 people !

What about the NHS spending money education to those overweight people?

I see a lot of clients on my “Weight Management Programme” and one of the key things I teach to those people is the importance of eating clean healthy food and introducing some steady regular exercise into their daily routine. The NHS would be better off spending the vast amount of money they would have spent on help those people through therapy and education in my opinion.

 

Link to BBC news story

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/obese-diabetes-sufferers-could-nhs-ops-002311753.html#ZmaSdQb

 

Most clients I see openly admit that they have allowed the weight to pile on year after year without knowing where to go and normally have no clue about nutritionally good food or they claim to know it all but never put it into practice. There is also normally a reason for the emotional over eating and comfort eating.

I think that giving so many people the operation will lead more to a situation where they won’t care about their weight or long term health because they will have a sort of get out of jail card from the NHS. If they get too fat they will just go and have the gastric band operation and forget about taking any sort of responsibly for what they eat or their own health.  After the operation they will have to be more careful so why wait until it gets to that stage.

A better idea is to get people way before then maybe a government education classes on healthy living and eating show people it’s not that hard and cost no more to eat healthy than it to eat fast food or processed crap. Set up class where they are encouraged to exercise as part of the programme.

I know that hypnotherapy is really great for weight management but there are so many other sorts of therapy open to people including psychological therapies, gym schemes, personal trainers who should know about the nutrition but to name a few.

The government doesn’t need to look too hard for professionals already out there willing to help and the money would be better spent employing those people than surgeons who are already over whelmed by the demand for this surgery.

What do you think, have your say !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk


Parts Therapy

Parts Therapy

April 9, 2014

 

This is one of the tools as a hypnotherapist I use a lot because it gets good results across the board for a range of problems and issues. So what is parts therapy?

Parts therapy is a tool in which the therapist can gain access to the unconscious parts of the mind by way of relaxing the client and taking them into hypnosis. As the client goes into hypnosis the unconscious mind sometimes wants to communicate to the therapists or will allow the therapist to negotiate a better outcome for the client. We can gain communication with the part by either asking it to signal yes or no using a finger on either hand; this is called ideo motor movements. In some cases I can get vocal agreement as well but this is not as common as getting some form of movement.

Our unconscious is there to help and protect us, and through this mechanism the unconscious sets up specific ‘parts’ to deal with trauma or special needs the individual may require. It is the nature of the mind to be subdivided into a number of ‘parts’. The intention of each ‘part’. There are no ‘bad’ parts and the goal of Parts Therapy is not to eliminate ‘parts,’ but instead to help find positive roles or behaviours also called jobs.

This will not be a conscious movement by the client in fact most of the time they will not be aware of their finger moving during the session. We can ask the part if it would be prepared to take on a better behaviour or if it would like to help the client by changing an outdated program. Sometimes this is straight forward but other times it can take a while to get the part to agree to a different outcome that it is happy about. There are other occasions that the part doesn’t know it is running an out dated program because it has worked for the client so far, but as we change from children to adults we often can take outdated behaviours with us and this is because they may have been protecting the client it someway. Our unconscious mind is there to protect us.

We can also get a part to talk to us via the client’s voice box or move a body part, for example the shoulders instead of the fingers, even open the client’s eyes. This is a very powerful tool that can help clients though all sorts of problems in life and one which I have had some amazing results helping clients make life changing progress even after just one session.

The part sometimes doesn’t want to talk or communicate at all and I’ve sometime got no response at all so I simply ask the part to let the client know somehow that it is present.

I’ve seen one client move violently and almost thrown from the chair, the client didn’t even know it had happened during the session. It can be quite upsetting if a client brings a partner into the therapy room during a session and I’ve had to ask them to sit down and let the session continue or leave the room on more than one occasion as they didn’t understand what was going on. I know it was them wanting to stop or protect their partners. In fact this was only the mind processing trauma, but they wouldn’t have known that. I now explain this away from the client before I allow partners in my therapy room if I suspect this may happen, it easier for them and me!

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk