It’s Ok To Be OK
- February 8, 2021
- April 12, 2018
Secondary gains are the “benefits” people get from NOT overcoming a problem. For many people who are stuck, secondary gains are an important mechanism in why they stay stuck. Secondary gain is usually not something people are consciously aware of e.g. generally the person is not being consciously manipulative or faking (the distress/impairment is still real).
When a client is asked what secondary gain they have by hanging on to their illness or negative behavior they are often oblivious to how their terrible struggle with the illness or behavior could benefit them in any way. In other words, they are not consciously refusing to change. Once a secondary gain is identified and brought to the conscious level it can be very insightful and life changing.
Take a moment and consider a change in your life you have repeatedly addressed with minimal progress. Challenge yourself to acknowledge how the unhealthy behavior or habit benefits you. What would you potentially lose by creating change in your life?
Sometimes the client will have no idea as to why the habit continues. It has gone unconscious become a habit an autopilot response and gone in to that part of our old brain that is concerned with survival.
Our subconscious mind or at least at part of it does seem to have a limited intelligence. This part is often called our inner child, by some. At this level of mind decisions are made that effect our lives, sometimes in huge ways.
How do we figure out whether we have secondary gain issues?
Be honest, very honest with yourself when answering this question – Am I standing in my own way? If you are getting an emotional reaction while reading this (anger, frustration, sadness, sorrow, or a sense of loss), it is very likely that your secondary gain issue is coming up.
Address it now. Remove it from your nonconscious mind remembering that your hidden mind does not want to give it up without a fight. Bring your secondary gain into your conscious mind by writing it down, journaling about it, making an audio or video recording of it, or talking to a therapist or a life coach about so that you are free to move on.
Contact me for a free consultation 024 75098634 or click HERE
- February 15, 2018
Addiction is a big subject with so much information and opinions out there that I am going to glide over it because it impossible for me to go to in-depth without baffling or boring you.
The most common addiction I see are smoking, alcohol, food, drugs and gambling. I’m am not allowed to treat alcoholics/drugs takers without their doctors permission but I do get people who want to control or stop their intake more before it becomes a problem.
Why do people get addicted?
In my experience it is because they are trying to replace something they have lost or never had in their life. Look at some of the fallen stars in the world; they are replacing all the fame and attention. They need a buzz. The latest research is saying that the brain of addicts does not produce enough dopamine and the substance that the addict is using i.e. drugs bridges that gap in the chemical imbalance.
There are people trying to forget a past event or events in life. People who have suffered abuse or have had a horrible childhood for example because it blocks the memories coming through, others have never felt worthy or love.
There are people who have addictive personalities who try something and find hard to stop. Some people hit the self-destruct button and will find anything to do.
The thing that is common is that they can hide the addiction very well to the point even the close family won’t know, they can become very deceptive and defensive if they suspect anyone knows. It’s well known that alcoholics will hide the bottles of booze around the house and even in the garden.
I want to tell you about a good friend of mine in fact he was my best friend for many years. I knew Craig most of my life, we lived a street apart, attended the same school and knew a lot of the same people. Craig and I became firm friends when we met again at a local social club when I was 16-17 and from then were like brothers in arms. I never saw Craig as having a problem; we went out most nights for 3 or 4 pints and a game of snooker for many years until we started working shifts, yes in the same factory. So we worked, drank and socialized together. Craig was always a bit of a lad, he did nothing bad but liked a joint and a drink which at the time I also took part in, a decision I now regret deeply. He always seemed to push it more than anyone else, for example last orders at the bar he would order 2 pints and chasers where as I would maybe have a pint. He smoked the strongest cannabis he could get, I never really used to smoke it on my own only with friends but Craig smoked every day. Craig got married to a lovely girl and bought a house, they had a beautiful daughter Chloe whom he adored. All this time his drinking was getting worse. He would drink Rum/Vodka and strong Cider. No one ever suspected it was becoming a problem with the exception of this then wife.
The car factory where we worked closed and we were all made redundant and Craig hit the self-destruct button and his drinking got so bad that the marriage broke down and he moved out. He drank until he couldn’t feel any more pain, the marriage break up hurt him but it was his drinking that caused it. He was in complete denial about everything. Over the next couple of years Craig carried on drinking causing him to be admitted to hospital of many occasions for detox then coming out a straight back on the drink. I tried to help and so did many others, in the end I found myself having no choice but to distance myself from him. I just couldn’t watch him kill himself, I did sit down and tell him this but again because of the drink I don’t think he could remember me doing this.
Sat here now a good few years or so after his death I still miss my mate and yes I have tears in my eyes writing this.
I did not have the skills and knowledge I have now or I would have tried to help and get him through it.
Addition has touched me and Craig’s family in a way I hope it never does for you.
If you feel something in your life is getting out of hand or you need a little help please get in touch and always consult with your doctor. Taking the first step to getting help is an important one, and then the real work begins, the WHY? It will be a hard and often emotional time but it is part of the healing process and without it, it will be hard to move on in life.
Please contact me HERE for your free consultation or call 024 75098634 for further information on addiction.
- January 18, 2018
The Last Resort
I often hear from new client that hypnotherapy is the last resort and that they have tried everything else until someone mentioned ringing a hypnotherapist because they or someone they know has been to see one and it worked on that issue.
So why is hypnotherapy seen by the general public as a last resort?
I believe it’s because they are afraid we can take over their minds, there are a lot of myths and hearsay out there that just isn’t based on any truth.
They may have seen a stage hypnosis show and think that is what happens and they may be made to feel silly. I for one love watching a good stage hypnosis show and have some good friends who are great stage hypnotist but who are equally good therapists as well. My friends do the show and I know for a fact they get therapy work from those show. The shows are more about show what the human mind is capable of and having a little fun along the way. I believe that the stage shows are a good thing as long as they are done correctly which I know all my friends do and do to a very high standard.
I like to see a client after the first session to see what difference it has made, normally there has been a mental unconscious shift to allow the client to gain more control in that area of their life that wanted the help with. Some clients it can be a very subtle change but one they have noticed between sessions or others they come in and say that they can’t believe the difference one or two sessions has made to their life.
The modern hypnotherapist has moved on from some of the public perception of swinging pocket watches. I personally study things like neurology to get a better understanding of how the human mind works and reacts to certain things. I study modern psychology to learn about behaviours and how new thinking is progressing on these matters. I like to look at new and existing idea’s, I also study from some of the people who came up with some of these idea’s years ago as I believe there is always a value to learning something new or indeed going back over things again. I certainly don’t know it all and never will, but I’m happy to continue my learning wherever that may take me.
I use all of my knowledge to help my clients get the best results for them. I’m not saying I can help 100% of the people through my door but I have a good success rate and referral rate from past clients.
For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE
- September 19, 2017
Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops
This was on the BBC today and thought I would write a short blog on the subject obese diabetes sufferes could get NHS ops.
Hundreds of thousands of obese people with type 2 diabetes could get weight-loss surgery on the NHS, that’s up to 800,00 people !
What about the NHS spending money education to those overweight people?
I see a lot of clients on my “Weight Management Programme” and one of the key things I teach to those people is the importance of eating clean healthy food and introducing some steady regular exercise into their daily routine. The NHS would be better off spending the vast amount of money they would have spent on help those people through therapy and education in my opinion.
Link to BBC news story
Most clients I see openly admit that they have allowed the weight to pile on year after year without knowing where to go and normally have no clue about nutritionally good food or they claim to know it all but never put it into practice. There is also normally a reason for the emotional over eating and comfort eating.
I think that giving so many people the operation will lead more to a situation where they won’t care about their weight or long term health because they will have a sort of get out of jail card from the NHS. If they get too fat they will just go and have the gastric band operation and forget about taking any sort of responsibly for what they eat or their own health. After the operation they will have to be more careful so why wait until it gets to that stage.
A better idea is to get people way before then maybe a government education classes on healthy living and eating show people it’s not that hard and cost no more to eat healthy than it to eat fast food or processed crap. Set up class where they are encouraged to exercise as part of the programme.
I know that hypnotherapy is really great for weight management but there are so many other sorts of therapy open to people including psychological therapies, gym schemes, personal trainers who should know about the nutrition but to name a few.
The government doesn’t need to look too hard for professionals already out there willing to help and the money would be better spent employing those people than surgeons who are already over whelmed by the demand for this surgery.
What do you think, have your say !
For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE
Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy
Rest and Recuperation
Rest and recuperation is a very important part of recovery for the body and mind. Too many people over look or deny themselves this, we all need it and it is important.
I’ve just got back from 9 days in Egypt, I needed the holiday as I been working hard on my business and haven’t taken a real break for a couple of years. I’ve had the odd long weekend away but not a solid block of time relax and switch off. I didn’t check my phone or emails or did I want to, I wanted a complete break. Apart from some scuba diving which I find very relaxing I just chilled out in the sun being very lazy indeed. I am very careful and do take days off in the week and regularly do self-hypnosis.
People live very busy life’s week in week out and don’t release the toll it can take to often it’s too late and they start to become ill. People can get flu-like symptoms and just think it a cold but it’s the bodies way of try to slow you down almost a little warning sign to say you need to get some rest and recuperation.
I have 2 friends whom I know have suffered as a results of living too much of a stressful life, one collapsed with stress which was caused by trying to do too much and not taking a break. My other friend is now suffering and this was caused by stress of work and personal issues. Both of these friends developed ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Chronic fatigue syndrome causes persistent fatigue (exhaustion) that affects everyday life and doesn’t go away with sleep or rest. It is estimated that around 250,000 people in the UK have CFS
Having talked about this with them one of my friends said he believes the body has a set point of energy which we can dip in and out of every day but if we keep going into the reserves without giving it back then the body and mind will only allow this to happen before it starts the warning signs and then as a last resort it can shut us down by in some cases developing ME to not allow us to ever take too much again. If we use 85% of energy and that safe to do every day then when we start using that extra 15% without giving back or in other words resting and having a break then it becomes a problem. My friends set point are now at a guess 50% of what they used to be getting tired very fast often feeling completely exhausted after a normal day. Please note: These cases are from what my friends have told me, and NOT me giving medical diagnosis.
We don’t fully understand what causes the illness. There are likely to be a number of factors involved. It sometimes affects more than one family member. The reasons are being studied but it seems your genes can play a part, as can the influence of your environment.
My advice would be to listen to what your body is telling you. If you know you need a break book a couple of days off and rest and give back what energy you may have taken and try not to go over that 85% if you do give it back as soon as possible. Try not to put yourself under long-term stress and strains in work or personal life. Look at learning some progressive relaxation techniques and do 10 minutes every day or even better learn self-hypnosis.
If you find yourself really struggling to de-stress then why not consider a stress buster session either with myself or someone local to you.
For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE
See you soon
Pain is a very interesting area to work with and one that I’ve helped clients to gain control of.
Pain is essentially an electrical signal sent via nerve pathways to your brain. It is the way your brain interprets information about a particular sensation that your body is experiencing. Interestingly there is no such thing as a pain center in your brain, the area’s that are activated when we feel pain are the same area’s that are activated with emotions and attention. The area of the brain is called the anterior cingulate cortex which resembles a “collar” surrounding the frontal part of the corpus callosum in the limbic system of the brain. A lot of people therefor say it is a perception. I know when I’ve hit my thumb with a hammer it bloody hurt!
Doctors can prescribe some powerful medication to help managed the discomfort it can cause. There are other things it can cause too like depression due to being in constant pain, irritability and sleeplessness but to name a few. Painkillers interfere with the pain messages sent to your brain so dull the signal from the nerves to the brain, they don’t cure it but mask it. It is there for a good reason it’s our bodies way of saying something isn’t right or needs out attention, like my thumb!
So how can I help, well studies like the ones below point to good results using hypnosis.
“The findings indicate that hypnosis interventions consistently produce significant decreases in pain associated with a variety of chronic-pain problems”
“In 2004, researchers at the University of Iowa Roy J. and Lucille A. Carver College of Medicine and the Technical University of Aachen, Germany, tried to identify the exact effect of hypnosis on the brain using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). fMRI measures blood flow in the brain and can be used to view activity in different regions of the brain in real time. More blood flow indicates more activity. To conduct the experiment, the researchers asked participants to first identify when a hot surface became painful to the touch (an eight on a scale from zero to ten) and used fMRI to determine where the brian sent the pain signal. They then hypnotized the subjects and gave them suggestions aimed at reducing pain while increasing the temperature on the surface to the level previously reported as painful. All subjects reported reduced pain (less than a three on the scale) if they reported any pain at all. Additionally, the fMRI scan revealed a highly reduced amount of activity in the primary sensory cortex as well as the other high-level pain areas of the brain. Activity in the lower levels of the brain were unaffected by hypnosis, implying that the only changes hypnosis produced were in the conscious levels of the brain.”
Hypnosis helps the client to go into another state of mind in which they can help to control the emotions linked to the pain and attention to that. I think this is one but not the only reasons why it works and this is just my opinion.
For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE
- July 25, 2017
This subject wieght management that has been covered and covered but I think some people still miss one important point about this, especially clients that I see.
It’s not about diets, exercise but the psychology……….
I prefer to use the term “Weight Management” because the term “Weight Loss” implies you have lost something and people usually want to get back something they have lost. People lose things, usually, by mistake. As long as you think of ‘losing’ weight you are making life difficult for your mind to deal with. Instead, think of “Managing” your weight.
So what happens normally?
Here is the thing, people get to a certain weight and then they hit their weight fresh hold they then diet, exercise and lose some weight for a while…… put weight on again but this time their fresh hold may slightly be more i.e. they put more weight on than the last time because they are slightly more desensitised to the extra weight before they know to do something about it!
So something happens for them so they don’t see the extra weight until it is too late and in their mind they go … Oh no!!! This is a classic yo yo dieting strategy. My job is to help the client break this cycle and get a new positive one instead, make the client aware of what and how they are eating.
As long as the client is educated and made more aware of their eating habits they will often make the shifts and changes themselves often this is done at an unconscious level. Clients often report back to me that they can remember an event or the reason they started over eating after a session while they are back at home, this is something I don’t do in the first session but often they tell me what I need to know to help them move forward or to address in another session if they want to.
I get the client to fill in a meal diary and be totally honest with it. Some clients I found didn’t realise they ate the snacks they did between meals, what I call graze on snacks and rubbish all day still having some healthy meals, they say ” but I eat healthy and exercise but can’t shift the weight” not even being aware of all of the calorie filled snacks in-between their meals.
Some client are so used to big portions that they think it normal to have a plate piled high with food, but if someone who hasn’t got a weight issue dished up a portion to them they would think it was not enough but the fact is it would be a normal meal size.
There is no big mystery to weight management but at the same time it is big business for the clubs and they make a lot of money from seeing the same people go to the meeting week in week out. They not doubt help people and offer a valuable service but if they can’t get a person’s psychology right then they will keep repeating the old patterns time and time again year after year.
Yes I run a business also but I see clients for around 3 to 4 sessions for this and give them enough tools to deal with the problem for life, I don’t want to see them for months on end because that would mean in my eyes I haven’t done my job correctly by offering a duty of care to my clients by helping them make the shift in their life they need to in order to keep the weight off .
If you are interested in one to one help then I provide Weight Management Hypnotherapy in Coventry.
If you need any help contact me HERE