The Drama Triangle

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The Drama Triangle

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The Drama Triangle

The drama triangle is something I have seen time and time again in unhealthy relationships. It can be in new relationships or long term marriages however the people in it normally are not aware of it or are too scared to do anything about it.

So what is the drama triangle and how does it work?

There are 3 stances

Victim

This is someone who is “poor me!” Victims see themselves as victimized, oppressed, powerless, helpless, hopeless, dejected, and ashamed, and come across as “super-sensitive,”

Rescuers

The stance of the rescuer is “Let me help you!” Rescuers work hard to help and caretake other people, and even need to help other people to feel good about themselves, while neglecting their own needs or not taking responsibility for meeting their own needs.

Persecutors

The stance of the persecutor is “It’s all your fault!” Persecutors criticize and blame the victim, set strict limits, can be controlling, rigid, authoritative, angry and unpleasant. They keep the victim feeling oppressed through threats and bullying.

The victim will look and indeed attract a rescuer into their life. Once a relationship is formed then things are first seem great, the victim is getting the support and attention from the rescuer. The rescuer is feeling fulfilled because they are helping someone.

After time because the victim doesn’t really want to change from that stance, they want to stay a victim because they like the attention. They don’t really want to be rescued so they change into a persecutor role pushing the rescuer away by blaming them saying for example everything is their fault.
The rescuer then becomes the victim!

People in this relationship can and often do swap between roles of victim and persecutor continuing the cycle of the drama triangle.

If you are in this situation or recognise this pattern in your life or relationship it may be an idea to get some therapy so to look at a deeper level what causes you to act this way.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click here today.
Regards
Adam

The Mountain of Life

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The Mountain of Life

I love climbing peaks and mountains, I done a fair bit of it over the past years and will carry on in the New Year. I see the mountains as a metaphor for life in many ways, for my life and also many people around me. The Mountain of life !

In life we can find just like a mountain arriving at a place that we can be unsure of or a little overwhelmed, it can seem such a task or so far to the end goal that we get natural feeling and some feel like running away and hiding, turning around convincing ourselves that we can’t or won’t attempt the mountain or challenge.  We don’t want to take something on that seems too big or may beat us. I can think of a few thing in my life this year that have put me to the test on a personal scale that made me so nervous and yes I had the scary feeling that I didn’t know what to do straight away I had to think about the decisions along the way go for it.

When I arrive at the base of a mountain or peak I know that it going to be an uphill struggle and there will be places where it becomes a challenge even scary but I know in my mind I must forge on like many walkers and hikers have done before me. The path is well trodden so I know it can be done even if it takes me a little while to get going.

Mountains and peak are not always all uphill there be times when the path runs flat and smooth, a time to get my breath back and reflect on life a little. Just like life is O.K. to stop and have a little break to access how far you have come and how far to have to go. The important thing is to get going again, put one foot in front of the other and try to see what ‘s a head the best you can you can.  Some of the more challenging uphill climbs are hard and to try to take them on with some little stops on the way would be tough, so give yourself a break if you need one and don’t be so hard on yourself.

I’ve often got to the top of a mountain or peak and because of the weather seen well not a lot. Some people moan that what’s the point walking up there to see nothing but cloud or mist. For me I get a sense of inner peace that I is really special to me, you see it not about  getting to the top for me it’s the steps I took along the way. When I can see the view its spectacular and breath-taking in its sheer beauty and a bonus at the top.

When times are hard or difficult we often forget that life is a journey and that it doesn’t always go the way we want. It takes guts to hang in there and see the hard times though but the lessons we learn from that tough time is well learn and so valuable that it needs to be appreciated for what it was or is.  There is no growth in comfort so being uncomfortable is a way of learning about ourselves and becoming better people through it.

It take me a while sometimes to see the greatest of lessons that life has taught me.

Over this Christmas and New Year be nice to people you meet ,smile and enjoy the moments you have no matter how small they may be.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and let make 2015 the best year yet !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

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Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

This was on the BBC today and thought I would write a short blog on the subject obese diabetes sufferes could get NHS ops.

Hundreds of thousands of obese people with type 2 diabetes could get weight-loss surgery on the NHS, that’s up to 800,00 people !

What about the NHS spending money education to those overweight people?

I see a lot of clients on my “Weight Management Programme” and one of the key things I teach to those people is the importance of eating clean healthy food and introducing some steady regular exercise into their daily routine. The NHS would be better off spending the vast amount of money they would have spent on help those people through therapy and education in my opinion.

Link to BBC news story

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/obese-diabetes-sufferers-could-nhs-ops-002311753.html#ZmaSdQb

Most clients I see openly admit that they have allowed the weight to pile on year after year without knowing where to go and normally have no clue about nutritionally good food or they claim to know it all but never put it into practice. There is also normally a reason for the emotional over eating and comfort eating.

I think that giving so many people the operation will lead more to a situation where they won’t care about their weight or long term health because they will have a sort of get out of jail card from the NHS. If they get too fat they will just go and have the gastric band operation and forget about taking any sort of responsibly for what they eat or their own health.  After the operation they will have to be more careful so why wait until it gets to that stage.

A better idea is to get people way before then maybe a government education classes on healthy living and eating show people it’s not that hard and cost no more to eat healthy than it to eat fast food or processed crap. Set up class where they are encouraged to exercise as part of the programme.

I know that hypnotherapy is really great for weight management but there are so many other sorts of therapy open to people including psychological therapies, gym schemes, personal trainers who should know about the nutrition but to name a few.

The government doesn’t need to look too hard for professionals already out there willing to help and the money would be better spent employing those people than surgeons who are already over whelmed by the demand for this surgery.

What do you think, have your say !

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Rest and Recuperation

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Rest and Recuperation

Rest and recuperation is a very important part of recovery for the body and mind. Too many people over look or deny themselves this, we all need it and it is important.

I’ve just got back from 9 days in Egypt, I needed the holiday as I been working hard on my business and haven’t taken a real break for a couple of years. I’ve had the odd long weekend away but not a solid block of time relax and switch off. I didn’t check my phone or emails or did I want to, I wanted a complete break. Apart from some scuba diving which I find very relaxing I just chilled out in the sun being very lazy indeed. I am very careful and do take days off in the week and regularly do self-hypnosis.

People live very busy life’s week in week out and don’t release the toll it can take to often it’s too late and they start to become ill. People can get flu-like symptoms and just think it a cold but it’s the bodies way of try to slow you down almost a little warning sign to say you need to get some rest and recuperation.

I have 2 friends whom I know have suffered as a results of living too much of a stressful life, one collapsed with stress which was caused by trying to do too much and not taking a break. My other friend is now suffering and this was caused by stress of work and personal issues. Both of these friends developed ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Chronic fatigue syndrome causes persistent fatigue (exhaustion) that affects everyday life and doesn’t go away with sleep or rest.  It is estimated that around 250,000 people in the UK have CFS

Having talked about this with them one of my friends said he believes the body has a set point of energy which we can dip in and out of every day but if we keep going into the reserves without giving it back then the body and mind will only allow this to happen before it starts the warning signs and then as a last resort it can shut us down by in some cases developing ME to not allow us to ever take too much again.  If we use 85% of energy and that safe to do every day then when we start using that extra 15% without giving back or in other words resting and having a break then it becomes a problem. My friends set point are now at a guess 50% of what they used to be getting tired very fast often feeling completely exhausted after a normal day. Please note: These cases are from what my friends have told me, and NOT me giving medical diagnosis.

We don’t fully understand what causes the illness. There are likely to be a number of factors involved. It sometimes affects more than one family member. The reasons are being studied but it seems your genes can play a part, as can the influence of your environment.

My advice would be to listen to what your body is telling you. If you know you need a break book a couple of days off and rest and give back what energy you may have taken and try not to go over that 85% if you do give it back as soon as possible. Try not to put yourself under long-term stress and strains in work or personal life. Look at learning some progressive relaxation techniques and do 10 minutes every day or even better learn self-hypnosis.

If you find yourself really struggling to de-stress then why not consider a stress buster session either with myself or someone local to you.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

See you soon

Adam

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Recommended Books.

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Recommended Books

People often ask me what sort of books or study I do, or they  ask what book I would recommend for self-help and improvement. Here are some of my recommended books.

Well there are many questions like that and many good books on the subject, far too many write about in one blog.

What I’ve decided to do is just to tell you about a few of my recommended books that have helped me and given me the greater knowledge and I hope they will do for you too.

Anthony Robbins – Unlimited Power

This book was one of the first books I read that started to help me to understand how to change my own mind set and even perceptions around what I could achieve. I have read it a number of times and still love to pick it up and flick through it. He also wrote Awaken The Giant Within which he wrote before Unlimited Power but I read this after, possibly the wrong way around but it was still well worth reading this also is very inspirational for me giving answers and helping to believe in myself more. I recommend anything by Robbins

Mapping The Mind – Rita Carter

The best book and maybe the only one you will need until she brings out her next book on the brain and how it works. It is simply packed full of case studies and simple yet fully explains everything it very reader friendly way, in other word you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to understand this book. It will help you to understand this at times complicated subject. We all have a brain so why find out how that thing between our ears works !

I’m OK You’re OK – Thomas A Harris

This book was key to me getting to grips with the Parent- Adult- Child model of the personality otherwise known as Transactional Analysis. This book can get a little heavy and will take a little more reading but once you understand it , it opens up a completely new understanding of how we work and way we act, feel and say the thing we do sometimes.

Change Your Mind And Keep The Change – Steve & Connirae Andreas

This is another powerful book written by the brilliant Steve & Connirae. It is based on some advanced NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). This book gives different strategies to deal with issues and problem in life. It is written in a very easy to understand way. The name Andreas within my industry is a haul mark of quality and knowledge and together this family has done a great deal to advance the field of personal change and NLP.

 The Rainbow Machine – Andrew T Austin

Tales from a neurolinguist’s journal is how Andrew has presented this little gem. I’ve trained with Andrew on a few occasions and his humour yet knowledge is a great joy to listen to. In this book he recounts some of his more memorable cases and events. Some will make you laugh; some will make you gasp in horror. He has a very different approach to many therapist and to be honest it very refreshing. It really is worth a read.

Free Will – Sam Harris

If you think you have a free will then this book will make you rethink your beliefs on this subject. It is very interesting and intelligently written. It will only take you about a hour or so to read but is well worth the time.

What am I reading at the moment?

Phantoms In The Brain – V S Ramachandran…..and so far it’s been a great brilliantly interesting neurological read. I ‘m about a 1/3 of the way through it.

I hope you enjoy the recommended books if you decide to expand your knowledge.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Adam

The Comfort Zone

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January 6, 2014

The Comfort Zone

Do you spent a lot of time in your comfort zone? It is nice and safe and we don’t have to do what we don’t really want to do!

However, is that useful or healthy?

I’d like you to think back to the last lesson you really learnt in your life, have a good think.

At the time was that an easy or hard lesson to learn?

I’ve found in my life and speaking to people, the general feeling on this subject is that we only learn real lesson when in life things are not going so well, our backs are against the wall so to speak.

The great thing is we come though those times with some information of great value even if at the time it life seemed to be very hard or you were in a tough situation.

We spend a lot of time in our comfort zones day to day and that makes us very unsure of dipping our toes outside of it, it’s a bit scary at times. You may have to face your fears or do something you wouldn’t normal have or like to do. For some people that can be speaking up to the boss or applying for a new job. We make our comfort zones so you will know where yours is and what things may be outside of that.

This time of year lot of people are thinking about stepping out of their zone, for example if you want to get fit going to the gym can seem very intimidating because people think they are full of thin fit looking people and they will look silly or out of place. The reality is most people are plugged into their MP3 players and are uninterested who is around them.

Geoff Thompson has a great saying “There is no growth in comfort.” I have to say I agree on a person level. I had to learn lots of hard lessons and step out of my cosy comfort zone. It has made me the person I am. My comfort zone is now bigger but I know I need to keep stepping outside that and challenging myself to continue my growth.

A perfect example of this is doing this is training courses. When I started learning NLP, Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy I had to step the furthest out of my comfort zone that I have done for a while.

Why?

I had old limiting beliefs that I couldn’t learn easily and was a bit thick. I had many wonderful wobbles and near melt downs on that journey and now I’m so glad it was hard because the wonderful reward that is now the job I love means so much more to me.

I regularly go on training courses with some of the best know trainer s in the UK and the world, guess what to do this I have to step out of that nice comfort zone and a mix with some highly intelligent people which always makes me wobble a bit! But I know I have to push myself and go, it gives me so much growth and inner self belief after the courses. Yes I was feeling nervous and apprehensive. I think to myself, will I be brainy enough to understand everything or will I ask the right questions without sounding stupid?

The reality is yes I can mix with these people and hold a conversation without them looking at me for sounding silly. My training and continue study and self-development has pushed me to become a person of knowledge and someone who will continue to push myself to feel uncomfortable in order to grow as a person.

How do you promote growth in your life?

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

How Create Change Fast

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How Create Change Fast

Change can be a challenging thing if we don’t have the correct guidance or resources so I’ll show you How Create Change Fast.

Learning from change enables us to become stronger and more enabled for future change. The value of learning from change could even be said to be more valuable than the change itself.

As a therapist and coach, I’ve learned a lot about motivation, and how to help people change. In my coaching work, it’s about uncovering the root causes of their behavioral roadblocks, and helping people see these challenges differently.

We all know a friend or loved one who needs to make some changes in their life. You may have tried to offer this person advice, tough love, or give up altogether, feeling powerless.

That’s basically what most of my clients come to see me about , they want to change  feelings, behaviours or a habit.

To get change we need a certain number of things to happen.

We need to recognise our patterns of behaviour or thoughts. Once people become aware of these they are no longer hidden so can’t be denied any longer.

Then we need to put an alternative in place or teach the brain to react in the way the client wants as in the outcome.

I use various skills to help this to happen such as transactional analysis, provocative therapy,  Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnotherapy.

Here is a short video explaining change.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Warm regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Helping Our Hero’s

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I Offer Free PTSD Treatment for our veterans.

Hi my name is Adam and some of you may or may not know that I help our hero’s regularly with and I offer Free PTSD Treatement within my therapy business. Please read on if this interests you or someone you know.

Why do I offer Free PTSD Treatment?

Having sat in my chair time and time again hearing the horror stories of war and how the people are fed up with the help they received or not as the case maybe.

I keep hearing the same thing that these brave men and women are not getting the correct help they need but more importantly DESERVE !

As a rule I hear they generally only get 3 to 4 therapy sessions if they are lucky which Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) based therapy, talking in other words. The problem with this approach is talking about horrific events often causes flashbacks or worsens the symptoms of PTSD and Truama. Why is the MOD continuing down this road of crap therapy?

PTSD works in a strange way which is why talking will not help at all. Trauma can get stuck in the right hemisphere of the brain so unlike other experience or memories will not be processed correctly. The memory is stuck so the brain doesn’t know what to do with it that’s why people keep reliving the trauma. Talk just makes it worse frankly.

I hear the same things from our veterans

“Even though I was home, I never left the battlefield. I brought the war home and it took a toll on me, my Family, wife and children.”

“We felt we were alone. We were trapped in our own memories, sometimes trying to ignore them and often not being able to. We watched as our suicide numbers went up and are still going up.”

“I was sitting in my bathroom on the floor with a giant bottle of scotch and a bottle of sleeping pills and just crying uncontrollably, not wanting to be here anymore, not wanting to live with this anymore because I have seen so much pain and so much death and destruction throughout my deployments.“

If it was working then why is my phone still ringing with ex or servicing personal wanting help and free PTSD treatment?

The problems are numerous with people with PTSD often drinking heavily or taking drugs in order to self-medicate which in turn has a massive effect or family and relationships which often will not last the strain and stress. This behaviour tends to be almost like binge drinking or drugs going off for days at a time into oblivion mode.

Veterans: NHS mental health services.

I can help using a combination of science backed eye movement therapy which has had up to amazing 90% success rate all over the world.

I want to help it’s my way of saying thanks and giving back, I offer a free service to military and ex-military personal which I normal run on a Saturday morning and afternoon.

Do you know someone who needs help?

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or CLICK HERE

Share this blog and point them my way.

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Provocative Change Works

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Provocative Change Works

First published on April 15, 2013

I’ve just attended a Nick Kemp workshop called “Provocative Change Works” or PCW

I wasn’t really sure about the approach to this kind of therapy as it is something I’ve never done before. I’d seen Nick working using this method online and I just didn’t get what was going on. I knew Nick was a world-class therapist so something was going on but what?

Having found the venue in Swindon I found out that most of the attendees were doing the PCW workshop as part of their ongoing  NLP Master Practitioner course and a few like me were there to just learn about PCW. I was made to feel very much welcome by the host of the training Tony Nutley from UK College of Personal Development.

While sat listening to Nick he started the learning process in a very humoured manner explaining everything in an easy to understand way, no big unnecessary words (phew). I instantly liked the PCW approach and Nick’s relaxed yet informative manner. It was a lot of fun right from the off. Nick did the first live one to one demo session of around 25 minutes. The demo was with a real issue that Nick knew nothing about beforehand. I sat, watched and listened.

Nick then started to breakdown the session using the 27 PCW stances and explaining what and why he used one or another. I was surprised just how many times he changed stances with ease and no effort, it just seem to flow in a very natural and easy way. It was more like a chat with a mate than therapy, or that is the perception. Once the subtleties are exposed I began to see what a very simple but fantastic way of working this is.  I thought “Now this is something I can use”.

What I also found interesting is that it was put into the NLP training as it really does grind some NLPers up the wrong way. It doesn’t fit into their way of working at first.  I decided before hand to go in and learn with an open mind, I wasn’t even thinking about NLP.  The demo subjects struggled against the approach a bit, and some even said it made them feel a little angry. It wasn’t the therapy making them angry but their own fame of working and being totally taken out of it to the point of confusion. This was just simply brilliant work by Nick. He knew exactly what and why he was doing it even if the demo subjects didn’t. I love the fact the host asked Nick to come and do the PCW training on a NLP course, talk about throwing in a proverbial spanner in the works. Great move Tony!

I am pleased to report the demos were explained and people started, like me, to really understand to inner working to the PCW approach. Nick did four live demo’s throughout the day and each one I was captivated by Nicks work and the subject reactions and feedback. At times it was tear rolling funny, even more if the subject was trying to worm out of things a bit, Nick wanted to elicit more information and was also testing for hesitation from the client. Nick also used Ericksonian language to great effect.

When Nick adopts a different stance in the sessions it moves the client’s “Perceptual Position” which then caused the subject to react in a different way with every change in stance. Nick also used a lot of “Time Framing” work to great effect, and confusing the subject. This takes them out their frame of thought. All of these things were going on; their heads were spinning at the end of the 25 minutes. They look confused, unsure, tired and it was left like that. It was funny to watch and humour was used to great effect.

People think because it is “Provocative” then it must aggressive but this far from the truth, it is all done in friendly banter and with a twinkle in the eye. It does provoke change but in a very nice if what confusing (for the subject) way. All 4 subjects reported a change in the way the problem or ex problem was now perceived the next day in the follow-up sessions. It got the desired result for the subject. I think that is the important bit; it doesn’t really matter to subject how it happened. That is what client comes for in therapy, a good result.

This is the start of an excited journey using and exploring this PCW work with my clients to help them even more. I’m still unpacked the information from the weekend and will let you know how I’m getting on with it. I still have 2 DVD’s to study yet, so more work is going to begin. I know that my learning is just starting with this way of working but i’ve got a good feeling that this really will be a big part of any therapy I do from now on.

I know that this training will make me a better therapist, and the fact that I had solid foundation with all of my training from the beginning has also without doubt helped me get where I am today.

A big thank you to Nick Kemp for a truly wonderful weekend of learning and Tony Nutly for being a great host and all round nice guy.

Nick’s PCW Link

http://www.provocativechangeworks.com/

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog

Adam

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

What is it like being a Hypnotherapist?

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What is it like being a Hypnotherapist?

I get asked quite a lot from people the question above so I will try to answer the question in this blog.

I’ve come a long way in the last few years and I’ve had to make some changes to be where I am today. I was once a “track rat” working in a big car factory for 11 years until I got made redundant. I then retrained as a truck driver and worked drive all over the Midlands and UK for 4 nearly 5 years. It was during this time that I started my training which would lead me to where I am today, running my own business as a Hypnotherapist and Life Coach.

So what is it like?

I must admit the hours are good and the time spent with clients is very rewarding. I normally start my first appointments at 10am, and then work through out the day with my last appointment time at 8pm. I can see between 1 and 4 clients a day, that’s around 5 to 6 hours a day working time if I see 4 clients. Each client session can last around an hour to an hour and a half; I always allow time between clients just in case it over runs.

Most people ask “What do people come in for the most?” and I guess because I get good results my Weight Management Program is one of the things clients come for. Stop Smoking sessions is also busy and in high demand at the moment. I’ve seen clients for Anxiety, Confidence, Pain Reduction including Phantom Limbs, Insomnia,  Low moods, Additions, Stress, Personality Disorders, Anger but to name a few.

Most people think that weight loss is easy money but you would be surprised like I was that there can be many underlying factors to deal with first, it’s a little like pealing an onion. At first I peal the outer layer off until I get to the core of the issue.

The job has at times tested my skill and understanding of how we think. I’ve had to go into the trenches a few times but it has helped me to cut my teeth as the saying goes.

I’ve had funny moments as well as times when I sat and listened to stories  that really were horrific to hear but had to remain professional at all times.

I think one of the hardest parts of the job when I first started out was marketing myself and knowing what to do. This is now playing off with a great website, leaflets and good search engine results, but it has and continues to be a learning curve all the time.  I go out normally twice a week door to door with my leaflets to different areas of the city I live in Coventry. This has helped me gain new clients and then recommendations from those clients which is now starting to build my business up. I think this year I will be busier than last year if I carry on the way I’m going. My aim is to have around 10 clients a week by the end of this year.

I continue to look towards ways of improving my knowledge and go on Continual Professional Training(CPD) courses around 3 times a year, training with some great names in the field of change works and hypnotherapy. During these trainings I also get to meet and network with other hypnotherapist and trainers.  I learn so much from these events and I believe the more knowledge and skill I can learn then this in -turn will get passed onto my clients helping them move forward in life and the issues in a helpful and constructive way. The training courses normally cost around £200 to £300 but what I learn will increase my client success and there for bring more recommendation work which is great for me and the business as a whole. So I see it as an investment in myself and my business.

One of the best parts of the job is finding out how the clients have improved and moved on with things. I love a success story, only this morning I had a call off an ex clients wife thanking me for all the help I have given them. She said there life together is now so much better and can’t believe how hypnotherapy has changed their life. It was heart-warming to know I’ve helped them in some small way.

If you wish to train as a Hypnotherapist then speak to Nick Davies at The Warwickshire School of Hypnotherapy

If there is something you or someone you know may need help with please pass on my details or contact me HERE

Regards

Adam

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