The Drama Triangle

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The Drama Triangle

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The Drama Triangle

The drama triangle is something I have seen time and time again in unhealthy relationships. It can be in new relationships or long term marriages however the people in it normally are not aware of it or are too scared to do anything about it.

So what is the drama triangle and how does it work?

There are 3 stances

Victim

This is someone who is “poor me!” Victims see themselves as victimized, oppressed, powerless, helpless, hopeless, dejected, and ashamed, and come across as “super-sensitive,”

Rescuers

The stance of the rescuer is “Let me help you!” Rescuers work hard to help and caretake other people, and even need to help other people to feel good about themselves, while neglecting their own needs or not taking responsibility for meeting their own needs.

Persecutors

The stance of the persecutor is “It’s all your fault!” Persecutors criticize and blame the victim, set strict limits, can be controlling, rigid, authoritative, angry and unpleasant. They keep the victim feeling oppressed through threats and bullying.

The victim will look and indeed attract a rescuer into their life. Once a relationship is formed then things are first seem great, the victim is getting the support and attention from the rescuer. The rescuer is feeling fulfilled because they are helping someone.

After time because the victim doesn’t really want to change from that stance, they want to stay a victim because they like the attention. They don’t really want to be rescued so they change into a persecutor role pushing the rescuer away by blaming them saying for example everything is their fault.
The rescuer then becomes the victim!

People in this relationship can and often do swap between roles of victim and persecutor continuing the cycle of the drama triangle.

If you are in this situation or recognise this pattern in your life or relationship it may be an idea to get some therapy so to look at a deeper level what causes you to act this way.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click here today.
Regards
Adam

A Client Session With Me

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A Client Session With Me

What a client session is like with me.

A client will often come and see me with no idea how I can help them with limited knowledge of therapy.

The first thing that happens is a look at the issue and any information around that issue that maybe useful or directly linked.

My soul purpose is get you the result you want in the least amount of time so I use all my skills at my desposil to ensure we get you moving in the right direction as fast as I can. We work as a team to get the results you want.

Everything I do in therapy is to help the client.

I use eye movement therapy called “Blast Technique”

BLAST Technique™ is a Amygdala Desensitising Technique (ADT) which has been created and developed to work faster and more effectively with PTSD and trauma.

BLAST Technique created by Nick Davies (Bi Lateral Analysis and Stimulation Treatment) which has been developed from EMDR. When post-traumatic stress syndrome is involved, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) is often faster and more effective than other types of therapies.

I also use can NLP and Hypnotherapy.

I have admit that a lot of the fixes are out of what people think of hypnosis however it still plays a very important part in helping my client and what I do.

I once had a client who I knew needed help. I was going through some process in order to help them when they stated “Can’t we just get on the with the hypnosis stuff” thinking that was the bit that would fix them but the work had already been done so I we did the hypnosis and they left thinking that’s what fixed them. I knew the fix took about 10 minutes in reality.

So to sum this blog up I work in what I think gets the client the best and fastest results although sometime in what the client may seem a strange way at time.

I do work in very traditional ways also if I think that approach is more suitable for that client.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

The Mountain of Life

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The Mountain of Life

I love climbing peaks and mountains, I done a fair bit of it over the past years and will carry on in the New Year. I see the mountains as a metaphor for life in many ways, for my life and also many people around me. The Mountain of life !

In life we can find just like a mountain arriving at a place that we can be unsure of or a little overwhelmed, it can seem such a task or so far to the end goal that we get natural feeling and some feel like running away and hiding, turning around convincing ourselves that we can’t or won’t attempt the mountain or challenge.  We don’t want to take something on that seems too big or may beat us. I can think of a few thing in my life this year that have put me to the test on a personal scale that made me so nervous and yes I had the scary feeling that I didn’t know what to do straight away I had to think about the decisions along the way go for it.

When I arrive at the base of a mountain or peak I know that it going to be an uphill struggle and there will be places where it becomes a challenge even scary but I know in my mind I must forge on like many walkers and hikers have done before me. The path is well trodden so I know it can be done even if it takes me a little while to get going.

Mountains and peak are not always all uphill there be times when the path runs flat and smooth, a time to get my breath back and reflect on life a little. Just like life is O.K. to stop and have a little break to access how far you have come and how far to have to go. The important thing is to get going again, put one foot in front of the other and try to see what ‘s a head the best you can you can.  Some of the more challenging uphill climbs are hard and to try to take them on with some little stops on the way would be tough, so give yourself a break if you need one and don’t be so hard on yourself.

I’ve often got to the top of a mountain or peak and because of the weather seen well not a lot. Some people moan that what’s the point walking up there to see nothing but cloud or mist. For me I get a sense of inner peace that I is really special to me, you see it not about  getting to the top for me it’s the steps I took along the way. When I can see the view its spectacular and breath-taking in its sheer beauty and a bonus at the top.

When times are hard or difficult we often forget that life is a journey and that it doesn’t always go the way we want. It takes guts to hang in there and see the hard times though but the lessons we learn from that tough time is well learn and so valuable that it needs to be appreciated for what it was or is.  There is no growth in comfort so being uncomfortable is a way of learning about ourselves and becoming better people through it.

It take me a while sometimes to see the greatest of lessons that life has taught me.

Over this Christmas and New Year be nice to people you meet ,smile and enjoy the moments you have no matter how small they may be.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and let make 2015 the best year yet !

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

The Under Dog

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The Under Dog

This is a bit of a strange subject I know because it’s one I’ve lived being the under dog !

Let me explain and expose my true feeling and emotions on the subject.

I left school with NO exam result, NOTHING, ZERO. I started my work life as the underdog; I had to work hard for every penny in manual jobs. I did for a long time, thinking that’s my lot.

Life moves us in different directions, often not planned or even thought of. I am that person.

I was labelled at school as a “Special Needs” kid because I didn’t and still don’t learn in a traditional way, and to be fair to the teachers they were taught to teach one way and didn’t really know any other way. I know I had some great teachers but the information never really went in as it should do. Does this make me thick? NO the under dog, maybe !

I’ve fought thought-out my life to become a better more educated person and I believe we are intelligent in so many different ways. I’ve seen top university students who are far more superior to me in intellect pull a door when it clearly states push and continue to do so looking a little confused.( I did laugh just a little)

I still struggled everyday with learning IF I’m not interested or if it is not presented in a way I understand, I want to bring this to you attention because as many of you know I face my fears and I don’t care that much if people agree or disagree with me. I’m writing this to help people like myself who may think they struggle to take information in.

Let me ask you a question do you look, listen of feel you understand information?

I’m a very visual person, I like to see information. I learn a lots from books and video’s however if someone gave me an audio to listen to I may not take that information in as quickly. We ALL learn in our own way. I believe that we all are intelligent. I know a builder who can’t read or write but if I need a wall building I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone else because he’s simply a brilliant bricky, I need my kitchen roof plastered ,again I will ask my friend who has done work for me in the past, will I ask him a math question or anything, NO. He can plaster and is bloody good at what he does, that to me is all I need to know. He is good at what he does and how he learnt that trade or skill is no business of mine. He works on results, the end product or finish just like me!

So I guess in summery I asking you to step back and not judge someone before you really understand and know their skills, I’m not great at spelling but I can help someone get rid of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) , I can help people to lose weight, gain control of anxiety and panic attacks among a whole list of things.

Before you judge someone have your facts and prejudging filter off because that person could be more skilled that you give them credit for.

From Adam who some people used to think I was thick and stupid, and for those of you who think I still am BRING IT ON!

Go out there and be the best you !

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

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Obese Diabetes Sufferers Could Get NHS Ops

This was on the BBC today and thought I would write a short blog on the subject obese diabetes sufferes could get NHS ops.

Hundreds of thousands of obese people with type 2 diabetes could get weight-loss surgery on the NHS, that’s up to 800,00 people !

What about the NHS spending money education to those overweight people?

I see a lot of clients on my “Weight Management Programme” and one of the key things I teach to those people is the importance of eating clean healthy food and introducing some steady regular exercise into their daily routine. The NHS would be better off spending the vast amount of money they would have spent on help those people through therapy and education in my opinion.

Link to BBC news story

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/obese-diabetes-sufferers-could-nhs-ops-002311753.html#ZmaSdQb

Most clients I see openly admit that they have allowed the weight to pile on year after year without knowing where to go and normally have no clue about nutritionally good food or they claim to know it all but never put it into practice. There is also normally a reason for the emotional over eating and comfort eating.

I think that giving so many people the operation will lead more to a situation where they won’t care about their weight or long term health because they will have a sort of get out of jail card from the NHS. If they get too fat they will just go and have the gastric band operation and forget about taking any sort of responsibly for what they eat or their own health.  After the operation they will have to be more careful so why wait until it gets to that stage.

A better idea is to get people way before then maybe a government education classes on healthy living and eating show people it’s not that hard and cost no more to eat healthy than it to eat fast food or processed crap. Set up class where they are encouraged to exercise as part of the programme.

I know that hypnotherapy is really great for weight management but there are so many other sorts of therapy open to people including psychological therapies, gym schemes, personal trainers who should know about the nutrition but to name a few.

The government doesn’t need to look too hard for professionals already out there willing to help and the money would be better spent employing those people than surgeons who are already over whelmed by the demand for this surgery.

What do you think, have your say !

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Rest and Recuperation

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Rest and Recuperation

Rest and recuperation is a very important part of recovery for the body and mind. Too many people over look or deny themselves this, we all need it and it is important.

I’ve just got back from 9 days in Egypt, I needed the holiday as I been working hard on my business and haven’t taken a real break for a couple of years. I’ve had the odd long weekend away but not a solid block of time relax and switch off. I didn’t check my phone or emails or did I want to, I wanted a complete break. Apart from some scuba diving which I find very relaxing I just chilled out in the sun being very lazy indeed. I am very careful and do take days off in the week and regularly do self-hypnosis.

People live very busy life’s week in week out and don’t release the toll it can take to often it’s too late and they start to become ill. People can get flu-like symptoms and just think it a cold but it’s the bodies way of try to slow you down almost a little warning sign to say you need to get some rest and recuperation.

I have 2 friends whom I know have suffered as a results of living too much of a stressful life, one collapsed with stress which was caused by trying to do too much and not taking a break. My other friend is now suffering and this was caused by stress of work and personal issues. Both of these friends developed ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Chronic fatigue syndrome causes persistent fatigue (exhaustion) that affects everyday life and doesn’t go away with sleep or rest.  It is estimated that around 250,000 people in the UK have CFS

Having talked about this with them one of my friends said he believes the body has a set point of energy which we can dip in and out of every day but if we keep going into the reserves without giving it back then the body and mind will only allow this to happen before it starts the warning signs and then as a last resort it can shut us down by in some cases developing ME to not allow us to ever take too much again.  If we use 85% of energy and that safe to do every day then when we start using that extra 15% without giving back or in other words resting and having a break then it becomes a problem. My friends set point are now at a guess 50% of what they used to be getting tired very fast often feeling completely exhausted after a normal day. Please note: These cases are from what my friends have told me, and NOT me giving medical diagnosis.

We don’t fully understand what causes the illness. There are likely to be a number of factors involved. It sometimes affects more than one family member. The reasons are being studied but it seems your genes can play a part, as can the influence of your environment.

My advice would be to listen to what your body is telling you. If you know you need a break book a couple of days off and rest and give back what energy you may have taken and try not to go over that 85% if you do give it back as soon as possible. Try not to put yourself under long-term stress and strains in work or personal life. Look at learning some progressive relaxation techniques and do 10 minutes every day or even better learn self-hypnosis.

If you find yourself really struggling to de-stress then why not consider a stress buster session either with myself or someone local to you.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

See you soon

Adam

https://www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Parts Therapy

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Parts Therapy

Parts therapy is one of the tools as a hypnotherapist I use a lot because it gets good results across the board for a range of problems and issues. So what is parts therapy?

Parts therapy is a tool in which the therapist can gain access to the unconscious parts of the mind by way of relaxing the client and taking them into hypnosis. As the client goes into hypnosis the unconscious mind sometimes wants to communicate to the therapists or will allow the therapist to negotiate a better outcome for the client. We can gain communication with the part by either asking it to signal yes or no using a finger on either hand; this is called ideo motor movements. In some cases I can get vocal agreement as well but this is not as common as getting some form of movement.

Our unconscious is there to help and protect us, and through this mechanism the unconscious sets up specific ‘parts’ to deal with trauma or special needs the individual may require. It is the nature of the mind to be subdivided into a number of ‘parts’. The intention of each ‘part’. There are no ‘bad’ parts and the goal of Parts Therapy is not to eliminate ‘parts,’ but instead to help find positive roles or behaviours also called jobs.

This will not be a conscious movement by the client in fact most of the time they will not be aware of their finger moving during the session. We can ask the part if it would be prepared to take on a better behaviour or if it would like to help the client by changing an outdated program. Sometimes this is straight forward but other times it can take a while to get the part to agree to a different outcome that it is happy about. There are other occasions that the part doesn’t know it is running an out dated program because it has worked for the client so far, but as we change from children to adults we often can take outdated behaviours with us and this is because they may have been protecting the client it someway. Our unconscious mind is there to protect us.

We can also get a part to talk to us via the client’s voice box or move a body part, for example the shoulders instead of the fingers, even open the client’s eyes. This is a very powerful tool that can help clients though all sorts of problems in life and one which I have had some amazing results helping clients make life changing progress even after just one session.

The part sometimes doesn’t want to talk or communicate at all and I’ve sometime got no response at all so I simply ask the part to let the client know somehow that it is present.

I’ve seen one client move violently and almost thrown from the chair, the client didn’t even know it had happened during the session. It can be quite upsetting if a client brings a partner into the therapy room during a session and I’ve had to ask them to sit down and let the session continue or leave the room on more than one occasion as they didn’t understand what was going on. I know it was them wanting to stop or protect their partners. In fact this was only the mind processing trauma, but they wouldn’t have known that. I now explain this away from the client before I allow partners in my therapy room if I suspect this may happen, it easier for them and me!

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Regards

Adam

Beautiful Life Hypnotherapy

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Recommended Books.

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Recommended Books

People often ask me what sort of books or study I do, or they  ask what book I would recommend for self-help and improvement. Here are some of my recommended books.

Well there are many questions like that and many good books on the subject, far too many write about in one blog.

What I’ve decided to do is just to tell you about a few of my recommended books that have helped me and given me the greater knowledge and I hope they will do for you too.

Anthony Robbins – Unlimited Power

This book was one of the first books I read that started to help me to understand how to change my own mind set and even perceptions around what I could achieve. I have read it a number of times and still love to pick it up and flick through it. He also wrote Awaken The Giant Within which he wrote before Unlimited Power but I read this after, possibly the wrong way around but it was still well worth reading this also is very inspirational for me giving answers and helping to believe in myself more. I recommend anything by Robbins

Mapping The Mind – Rita Carter

The best book and maybe the only one you will need until she brings out her next book on the brain and how it works. It is simply packed full of case studies and simple yet fully explains everything it very reader friendly way, in other word you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to understand this book. It will help you to understand this at times complicated subject. We all have a brain so why find out how that thing between our ears works !

I’m OK You’re OK – Thomas A Harris

This book was key to me getting to grips with the Parent- Adult- Child model of the personality otherwise known as Transactional Analysis. This book can get a little heavy and will take a little more reading but once you understand it , it opens up a completely new understanding of how we work and way we act, feel and say the thing we do sometimes.

Change Your Mind And Keep The Change – Steve & Connirae Andreas

This is another powerful book written by the brilliant Steve & Connirae. It is based on some advanced NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming). This book gives different strategies to deal with issues and problem in life. It is written in a very easy to understand way. The name Andreas within my industry is a haul mark of quality and knowledge and together this family has done a great deal to advance the field of personal change and NLP.

 The Rainbow Machine – Andrew T Austin

Tales from a neurolinguist’s journal is how Andrew has presented this little gem. I’ve trained with Andrew on a few occasions and his humour yet knowledge is a great joy to listen to. In this book he recounts some of his more memorable cases and events. Some will make you laugh; some will make you gasp in horror. He has a very different approach to many therapist and to be honest it very refreshing. It really is worth a read.

Free Will – Sam Harris

If you think you have a free will then this book will make you rethink your beliefs on this subject. It is very interesting and intelligently written. It will only take you about a hour or so to read but is well worth the time.

What am I reading at the moment?

Phantoms In The Brain – V S Ramachandran…..and so far it’s been a great brilliantly interesting neurological read. I ‘m about a 1/3 of the way through it.

I hope you enjoy the recommended books if you decide to expand your knowledge.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Adam

Pain

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Pain

Pain is a very interesting area to work with and one that I’ve helped clients to gain control of.

Pain is essentially an electrical signal sent via nerve pathways to your brain. It is the way your brain interprets information about a particular sensation that your body is experiencing. Interestingly there is no such thing as a pain center in your brain, the area’s that are activated when we feel pain are the same area’s that are activated with emotions and attention. The area of the brain is called the anterior cingulate cortex which resembles a “collar” surrounding the frontal part of the corpus callosum in the limbic system of the brain.  A lot of people therefor say it is a perception. I know when I’ve hit my thumb with a hammer it bloody hurt!

Doctors can prescribe some powerful medication to help managed the discomfort it can cause. There are other things it can cause too like depression due to being in constant pain, irritability and sleeplessness but to name a few. Painkillers interfere with the pain messages sent to your brain so dull the signal from the nerves to the brain, they don’t cure it but mask it. It is there for a good reason it’s our bodies way of saying something isn’t right or needs out attention, like my thumb!

So how can I help, well studies like the ones below point to good results using hypnosis.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2752362/

“The findings indicate that hypnosis interventions consistently produce significant decreases in pain associated with a variety of chronic-pain problems”

Also

“In 2004, researchers at the University of Iowa Roy J. and Lucille A. Carver College of Medicine and the Technical University of Aachen, Germany, tried to identify the exact effect of hypnosis on the brain using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). fMRI measures blood flow in the brain and can be used to view activity in different regions of the brain in real time. More blood flow indicates more activity. To conduct the experiment, the researchers asked participants to first identify when a hot surface became painful to the touch (an eight on a scale from zero to ten) and used fMRI to determine where the brian sent the pain signal. They then hypnotized the subjects and gave them suggestions aimed at reducing pain while increasing the temperature on the surface to the level previously reported as painful. All subjects reported reduced pain (less than a three on the scale) if they reported any pain at all. Additionally, the fMRI scan revealed a highly reduced amount of activity in the primary sensory cortex as well as the other high-level pain areas of the brain. Activity in the lower levels of the brain were unaffected by hypnosis, implying that the only changes hypnosis produced were in the conscious levels of the brain.”

http://www.science20.com/welcome_my_moon_base/does_hypnosis_work_relieve_pain

Hypnosis helps the client to go into another state of mind in which they can help to control the emotions linked to the pain and attention to that. I think this is one but not the only reasons why it works and this is just my opinion.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

How Create Change Fast

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How Create Change Fast

Change can be a challenging thing if we don’t have the correct guidance or resources so I’ll show you How Create Change Fast.

Learning from change enables us to become stronger and more enabled for future change. The value of learning from change could even be said to be more valuable than the change itself.

As a therapist and coach, I’ve learned a lot about motivation, and how to help people change. In my coaching work, it’s about uncovering the root causes of their behavioral roadblocks, and helping people see these challenges differently.

We all know a friend or loved one who needs to make some changes in their life. You may have tried to offer this person advice, tough love, or give up altogether, feeling powerless.

That’s basically what most of my clients come to see me about , they want to change  feelings, behaviours or a habit.

To get change we need a certain number of things to happen.

We need to recognise our patterns of behaviour or thoughts. Once people become aware of these they are no longer hidden so can’t be denied any longer.

Then we need to put an alternative in place or teach the brain to react in the way the client wants as in the outcome.

I use various skills to help this to happen such as transactional analysis, provocative therapy,  Neuro-Linguistic Programming and hypnotherapy.

Here is a short video explaining change.

For a free consultation contact me on 024 75098634 or click HERE

Warm regards

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

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