My Glass Shield

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My Glass Shield

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My Glass Shield

First published on March 21, 2013

My Glass Shield

Please note :This post may upset some people who have been affected in their life by suicide.

I’m big believer in sharing my life experience with people.

In my day-to-day therapy sessions I can see anything from client who wish to stop smoking though to less pleasant things, trust me there is not a lot I’ve not heard in my room.

What I believe makes me a good therapist is the ability to step away emotionally when I need to but still have a real understanding and empathy for the client.

I find this is the best way for me as I can see things more clearly and as it should be from a neutral perspective. I do this by having an imaginary  glass shield between me and the client(in my mind) which allows me the see, hear and help the client without getting unconsciously draw in. It is very important not too get to involved and personal with situation or it will cloud judgement and the therapy will not be as successful.

Why?

Well sometime client have had a very upsetting and traumatic event that they want help with so although I want to help them 100% I have to be careful. This is not cold or uncaring but a safety net for me. I can still help and care for the client but from a safe position thus allowing myself and client to process the experience the best they can.

How does it help me?

I going to tell you a true story which happened on Wednesday 07/10/2012. Please note this is NOT a nice subject.

I had just got up at 08:30am and my front door bell rang. Stood at the door was a worried looking man dressed in a high visual tabard and muddy work boots. He asked me “Have you seen Mark” my neighbour from next door. I replied “Not for a few days”.

He said Mark had not turned up for work today and also never rang in which he always had done in the past.  They worked for a local company delivering skips.

He told me he had knocked on the door and there was no answer.

Did I notice anything unusual? I said Mark garage light was on late but as he owned and raced car I thought he was messing around as he normally did when he got home from work. It was normal for him to work late into the evenings some times to prepare the car for the next race meeting.

We agreed we should go over my garden wall all see if we can see anything though the kitchen window, at which point we saw the garage light still on. I agreed to go and take a look in the garage. I knocked, no answer?

I said l will go in, the second I opened the door I was hit by the fumes from a car. I thought this doesn’t smell great. I was right. I told myself to put my “glass shield” up and switch off go into therapy mode, just in case! As I entered the garage there was a plastic sheet over the entrance. I pulled this back and looked around. I saw Mark in the corner of the garage on the floor. He was very still. I couched down and said his name, nothing. I gave him a little shove, again nothing. I checked his neck and wrist for a pulse and notice how cold he was. No pulse.

I was more than aware of his mate now inside the garage door, as he asked “Is he O.K.?” I said I had found him and to call 999 for the ambulance and police. “Is he bad?” I said something like “I want you to be aware you are calling 999 because we have too. Not to help him, he is not going to get any worse and looks very peaceful. There is nothing more we can do for him now” I needed the lad to process the fact that Mark had passed and still call on the phone. I said we should leave and wait outside for the police etc.

Mark had taken his life. The crime scene investigators confirmed this Mark had gassed himself using the car (I think). I never heard the car on the previous night which normally I can, it’s a loud race car?

The police and ambulance arrived within a few minutes and confirmed what we already knew. He had been dead for many hours, maybe 12. Rigour mortis had set in already.

Over the next few hours people came and went and finally the family came to pay their respects and mourn in each other’s arms. I passed on my condolences and went into my house.

Sometime we all need a glass shield and be honest I’m glad I have mine some days!

I’m now checking myself daily for signs of trauma or PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), I know it can pop out and bite me on the arse if I ignore it. I am very aware of the signs as I’ve seen it as a therapist many times and have taken training course on the subject I’ve asked the people around me to watch and keep an eye on me. If I see, hear or feel anything I’m not happy with I will be straight over my friend and mentors house and process it using a technique called EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) which I use myself on clients among other very powerful therapy tools.

https://www.nhs.uk/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

I know this wasn’t a happy  post but thought it was an important one to write.

If you are suffering from any form of Trauma or PTSD please contactme HERE and get the help you need.

Thanks

Adam

What is it like being a Hypnotherapist?

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What is it like being a Hypnotherapist?

I get asked quite a lot from people the question above so I will try to answer the question in this blog.

I’ve come a long way in the last few years and I’ve had to make some changes to be where I am today. I was once a “track rat” working in a big car factory for 11 years until I got made redundant. I then retrained as a truck driver and worked drive all over the Midlands and UK for 4 nearly 5 years. It was during this time that I started my training which would lead me to where I am today, running my own business as a Hypnotherapist and Life Coach.

So what is it like?

I must admit the hours are good and the time spent with clients is very rewarding. I normally start my first appointments at 10am, and then work through out the day with my last appointment time at 8pm. I can see between 1 and 4 clients a day, that’s around 5 to 6 hours a day working time if I see 4 clients. Each client session can last around an hour to an hour and a half; I always allow time between clients just in case it over runs.

Most people ask “What do people come in for the most?” and I guess because I get good results my Weight Management Program is one of the things clients come for. Stop Smoking sessions is also busy and in high demand at the moment. I’ve seen clients for Anxiety, Confidence, Pain Reduction including Phantom Limbs, Insomnia,  Low moods, Additions, Stress, Personality Disorders, Anger but to name a few.

Most people think that weight loss is easy money but you would be surprised like I was that there can be many underlying factors to deal with first, it’s a little like pealing an onion. At first I peal the outer layer off until I get to the core of the issue.

The job has at times tested my skill and understanding of how we think. I’ve had to go into the trenches a few times but it has helped me to cut my teeth as the saying goes.

I’ve had funny moments as well as times when I sat and listened to stories  that really were horrific to hear but had to remain professional at all times.

I think one of the hardest parts of the job when I first started out was marketing myself and knowing what to do. This is now playing off with a great website, leaflets and good search engine results, but it has and continues to be a learning curve all the time.  I go out normally twice a week door to door with my leaflets to different areas of the city I live in Coventry. This has helped me gain new clients and then recommendations from those clients which is now starting to build my business up. I think this year I will be busier than last year if I carry on the way I’m going. My aim is to have around 10 clients a week by the end of this year.

I continue to look towards ways of improving my knowledge and go on Continual Professional Training(CPD) courses around 3 times a year, training with some great names in the field of change works and hypnotherapy. During these trainings I also get to meet and network with other hypnotherapist and trainers.  I learn so much from these events and I believe the more knowledge and skill I can learn then this in -turn will get passed onto my clients helping them move forward in life and the issues in a helpful and constructive way. The training courses normally cost around £200 to £300 but what I learn will increase my client success and there for bring more recommendation work which is great for me and the business as a whole. So I see it as an investment in myself and my business.

One of the best parts of the job is finding out how the clients have improved and moved on with things. I love a success story, only this morning I had a call off an ex clients wife thanking me for all the help I have given them. She said there life together is now so much better and can’t believe how hypnotherapy has changed their life. It was heart-warming to know I’ve helped them in some small way.

If you wish to train as a Hypnotherapist then speak to Nick Davies at The Warwickshire School of Hypnotherapy

If there is something you or someone you know may need help with please pass on my details or contact me HERE

Regards

Adam

The Brain

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In this blog I explains the basics of the brain and what bits do what !

The Cerebrum

The cerebrum or cortex is the largest part of the human brain, associated with higher brain function such as thought and action. The cerebral cortex is divided into four sections, called “lobes”: the frontal lobe, parietal lobe, occipital lobe, and temporal lobe.

What do each of these lobes do?

Frontal Lobe- associated with reasoning, planning, parts of speech, movement, emotions, and problem solving

Parietal Lobe- associated with movement, orientation, recognition, perception of stimuli

Occipital Lobe- associated with visual processing

Temporal Lobe- associated with perception and recognition of auditory stimuli, memory, and speech

The Cerebellum

The cerebellum, or “little brain”, is similar to the cerebrum in that it has two hemispheres and has a highly folded surface or cortex. This structure is associated with regulation and coordination of movement, posture, and balance.

The cerebellum is assumed to be much older than the cerebrum, evolutionarily. What do I mean by this? In other words, animals which scientists assume to have evolved prior to humans, for example reptiles, do have developed cerebellums. However, reptiles do not have neocortex.

Limbic System

The limbic system, often referred to as the “emotional brain”, is found buried within the cerebrum. Like the cerebellum, evolutionarily the structure is rather old.

This system contains the thalamus, hypothalamus, amygdala, and hippocampus. Here is a visual representation of this system, from a midsagittal view of the human brain

Thalamus
It is sort of a relay station to parts of the brain. This controls information.

Thalamus- a large mass of gray matter deeply situated in the forebrain at the topmost portion of the diencephalon. The structure has sensory and motor functions. Almost all sensory information enters this structure where neurons send that information to the overlying cortex. Axons from every sensory system (except olfaction) synapse here as the last relay site before the information reaches the cerebral cortex

Hypothalamus

This adjusts the body to keep it optimally adapted to the environment, plus also long tem memory.
Hypothalamus- part of the diencephalon, ventral to the thalamus. The structure is involved in functions including homeostasis, emotion, thirst, hunger, circadian rhythms, and control of the autonomic nervous system. In addition, it controls the pituitary.

Amygdala
Amygdala- part of the telencephalon, located in the temporal lobe; involved in memory, emotion, and fear. The amygdala is both large and just beneath the surface of the front, medial part of the temporal lobe where it causes the bulge on the surface called the uncus. This is a component of the limbic system.

Hippocampus
Hippocampus- the portion of the cerebral hemisphers in basal medial part of the temporal lobe. This part of the brain is important for learning and memory . . . for converting short term memory to more permanent memory, and for recalling spatial relationships in the world about us a coronal view of the hippocampus.

This blog is only a over view, it does not go into all area’s of the brain otherwise the blog would be 100’s if not 1000’s of pages long!!!!!

I hope it made your brain think a little deep than before !

Please Note: I am not trained i.n neuroscience, this is what I have read and studied.

For more of a  indeath look here Neuroscience Core Concepts

If you need help or are thinking about getting some therapy you can contact me HERE

Regards

Adam Cowming

Ericksonian Language

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What is Ericksonian Language and how can we use it everyday.

As therapists we have a lot of tools at our disposal, one of which is what we call Ericksonian language. I tried to think of the best way to put it and ended up looking how others described it and in the end I cheated and took it off Wikipedia and it sums it up nicely.

According to Wikipedia “Erickson believed that the unconscious mind was always listening, and that, whether or not the patient was in trance, suggestions could be made which would have a hypnotic influence, as long as those suggestions found some resonance at the unconscious level. The patient can be aware of this, or can be completely oblivious that something is happening. Erickson would see if the patient would respond to one or another kind of indirect suggestion, and allow the unconscious mind to actively participate in the therapeutic process. In this way, what seemed like a normal conversation might induce a hypnotic trance, or a therapeutic change in the subject.”

So here are some examples of what we can use during a therapy session. I put the examples in some random sentences below.

…and as you _________ you can _________.

….and as you continue to read this blog you can find it increasingly easy to remember.

I don’t know if you’ll discover ___________ .

I don’t know if you’ll discover when you use these patterns you will get a feeling of well-being.

It’s not necessary…

It’s not necessary to have fun finding out how you can use this pattern

You can begin to/continue to ___________ .

You can begin to use Ericksonian Language patterns to help improve your persuasion abilities and improve your communication skills.

You might notice…

You might notice how useful this blog is for you and for others. I wonder if you’ve considered telling all of your friends about this great blog?

Don’t be too surprised to find yourself __________ .

Don’t be too surprised to find yourself fluent in these patterns and enjoying this practice.

There so much information on Milton and how he worked that I’ve only barely scratched the surface with this short blog. Find out more about Milton H. Erickson here.

Go and find thing out for yourself on this wonderful tool the internet!

If you need any help contact me HERE

Regards

Adam

Weight Management

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Weight Management

This subject wieght management that has been covered and covered but I think some people still miss one important point about this, especially clients that I see.

It’s not about diets, exercise but the psychology……….

I prefer to use the term “Weight Management” because the term “Weight Loss” implies you have lost something and people usually want to get back something they have lost. People lose things, usually, by mistake. As long as you think of ‘losing’ weight you are making life difficult for your mind to deal with. Instead, think of “Managing” your weight.

So what happens normally?

Here is the thing, people get to a certain weight and then they hit their weight fresh hold they then diet, exercise and lose some weight for a while…… put weight on again but this time their fresh hold may slightly be more i.e. they put more weight on than the last time because they are slightly more desensitised to the extra weight before they know to do something about it!

So something happens for them so they don’t see the extra weight until it is too late and in their mind they go … Oh no!!!   This is a classic yo yo dieting strategy. My job is to help the client break this cycle and get a new positive one instead, make the client aware of what and how they are eating.

As long as the client is educated and made more aware of their eating habits they will often make the shifts and changes themselves often this is done at an unconscious level. Clients often report back to me that they can remember an event or the reason they started over eating after a session while they are back at home, this is something I don’t do in the first session but often they tell me what I need to know to help them move forward or to address in another session if they want to.

I get the client to fill in a meal diary and be totally honest with it. Some clients I found didn’t realise they ate the snacks they did between meals, what I call graze on snacks and rubbish all day still having some healthy meals, they say ” but I eat healthy and exercise but can’t shift the weight” not even being aware of all of the calorie filled snacks in-between their meals.

Some client are so used to big portions that they think it normal to have a plate piled high with food, but if someone who hasn’t got a weight issue dished up a portion to them they would think it was not enough but the fact is it would be a normal meal size.

There is no big mystery to weight management but at the same time it is big business for the clubs and they make a lot of money from seeing the same people go to the meeting week in week out. They not doubt help people and offer a valuable service but if they can’t get a person’s psychology right then they will keep repeating the old patterns time and time again year after year.

Yes I run a business also but I see clients for around 3 to 4 sessions for this and give them enough tools to deal with the problem for life, I don’t want to see them for months on end because that would mean in my eyes I haven’t done my job correctly by offering a duty of care to my clients by helping them make the shift in their life they need to in order to keep the weight off .

NHS Healthy weight link.

If you are interested in one to one help then I provide Weight Management Hypnotherapy in Coventry.

If you need any help contact me HERE

Regard

Adam

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Fears and Phobia’s

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I’ll explain Fears and Phobia’s in a easy to understand way in. this blog

A fear or phobia is an intense fear of something that, in reality, poses little or no actual danger. Common phobias and fears include closed-in places, heights, highway driving, flying insects, snakes, and needles. However, we can develop phobias of virtually anything.

If you have a any fears or phobia’s, you probably realize that your fear is unreasonable, yet you still can’t control your feelings. Just thinking about the feared object or situation may make you anxious. And when you’re actually exposed to the thing you fear, the terror can be automatic and overwhelming.

So what is really going on?

I will use spiders as an example simply because it’s that time of year when I start to get more spider phobia phone calls as they start to come in for in colder months.

First people will see a spider (Visual) then they may have some internal dialog(NOOOO a massive spider) or external (Scream Aaaaaaaa) this in turn will trigger the feeling(Kinaesthetic) inside like fight, flight or freeze which in turn gets processed as fear by the person.  Normaly the reaction is out of proportion to the situation, for example has anyone you know ever been in an unprovoked attack by a spider or been bitten? Not many I bet !

The thing to really think about is that we are only born with 2 fears :-

  • · Fear of sudden loud noises
  • · Fear of falling

All other behaviors are learned either directly or indirectly, the amount of clients I see who say that a member of there family is scared of the same thing. They more than likely learned to react the way they do because they have seen for example their Mum screaming that there is spider in the house and to get it out. The client learnt how to respond to spiders because it what their Mum did when they were a small child and as a child they did not have any other resources to call up on.

All of this doesn’t help a person of course who has the fear, so how can hypnotherapy help fears or phobia’s?

There are lots of different methods all will aim to do the same job of helping the client to feel differently about the phobia or fear and allow the client to disassociate themselves from the feelings. The client will just not be as scared or as concerned by the fear or phobia as before. They may not want to ever hug or hold a spider but they will be able to cope with catching one and removing it or just leave it to get on with whatever spiders do on a good night out !

I use different methods depending on what I think is best for the client, sometimes the work is already done before I even use hypnosis but the hypnosis is still a great way to help the client to think differently about the fear and allow the mind to process it in a more logical way in the future and take on some new learnings to allow the client to make a change and have a more appropriate behaviour towards the problem.

If your phobia doesn’t really impact your life that much, it’s probably nothing to be concerned about. But if avoidance of the object, activity, or situation that triggers your phobia interferes with your normal functioning or keeps you from doing things you would otherwise enjoy, it’s time to seek help with someone like myself.

Contact me HERE id you need any extra support.

Regards

Adam Cowming

Website  www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Body Language

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In this blog I’ll explain Body Language in a simple to understand way.

This is a very important tool that all therapist and business people should be aware of or have some form of understanding of, you’d think!

Body language means communication with the movement or position of the human body. It can be conscious – or unconscious. It is important to   remember that, although body language does give you an additional channel of communication, which sometimes contradicts the spoken word, it should be interpreted with care. For one thing, it can be affected by particular habits of the speaker. To be able to read somebody is very interesting, but it can be complicated, so watch out!

As a therapist I hope I have a general understanding but I know that I don’t know everything and it an area to which I’m looking into getting a higher level of understanding. I pride myself on my ability to be able to calibrate my client’s conscious – or unconscious body language.

The eight primary elements of body language are your face, eyes, posture, gestures, voice, movement, physical appearance and touch.

Words (the literal meaning) account for 7% of the overall message

Tone of voice accounts for 38% of the overall message

Body Language accounts for 55% of the overall message

The figure 55% comes from some research that Albert Mehrabian undertook in 1971.

The ‘Mehrabian formula’ (7%/38%/55%) was established in situations where there was incongruence between words and expression.

That is, where the words did not match the facial expression: specifically in Mehrabian’s research people tended to believe the expression they saw, not the words spoken.

Mehrabian’s model is a seminal piece of work, and it’s amazingly helpful in explaining the importance of careful and appropriate communications. Like any model, care must be exercised when transferring it to different situations. Use the basic findings and principles as a guide and an example – don’t transfer the percentages, or make direct assumptions about degrees of effectiveness, to each and every communication situation.

This is now widely used in the field of selling, where sales personnel are trained to observe and read the body language of their potential customers. Sales personnel trained to read you can now utilize this skill to read the subliminal cue exhibited by the customers to close a deal. Consequently, many companies such as insurance companies, direct-selling companies and international car-showrooms now engage body language experts.

Body Language: What It Is & How To Read It

I help out some workshops and it’s easy to tell who knows about body language and who doesn’t and the difference just pointing out little things to people can make them look at people very differently, often these workshop are not about body language but as therapists it will always be part of what we do so it good to help and pass on the skills we have to others. Some of the people who attend are not therapist so are not used to using these skills but are normally very fast at picking some of the very basic tips they get.

If you need any help, coaching or therapy contact me HERE

Regards

Adam Cowming

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Insomnia

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In this blog we look into what is Insomnia and what to do about it.

This is one subject that can keep people awake at night thinking why can’t they sleep, Insomnia!
Have you ever suffered from a sleepless night? I know I have on more than one occasion. It is normally when we have something going on in our lives that we are worried or concerned about. Some people suffer long term problems and need more professional help from someone like me. I wanted to give you some easy to follow tips and tricks to help with insomnia.

The first tip is to stop drinking caffeine based drinks such as coffee around 8 hours before you go to bed because caffeine can stay in your system for a long time still working up to 12 hours after drinking a cup of coffee for example. Try drinking water instead or any other drink that is caffeine free, even decaffe coffee has some small amounts of caffeine in it.
The time it takes for the body to eliminate one half of a caffeine dose is normally between 3 to 12 hours. It is called the half-life of caffeine. Several factors can shorten or lengthen the half-life of caffeine. Smoking, medications and diseases are some factors. Pregnant women have higher caffeine half-life, 18 to 20 hours – pretty much longer for the fetus since its organs are not yet fully formed to be able to eliminate caffeine easily. About 99% of the elimination process takes place in the liver. Did you know that????

Don’t eat a meal before going to bed, have it a few hours at least before your bed time.

Relax before going to sleep. Have a nice warm bath or like me go and read in bed for half an hour before sleep. This allows your body and mind to unwind from the day properly.

Take 3 or more nice deep breaths just before you want to sleep. Breathe in through your nose and out though your mouth allowing your stomach to rise with each deep breath. This is called Diaphragmatic Breathing. Practise this a few times until it becomes comfortable. As you are breathing out say to yourself in your own mind “I am feeling sleepy”.

If you seem to have a lot of chatter or internal dialogue you can change it. Start by slowing the dialogue down and making it sound sleepy. Say words like “Relax” in your own mind and use the breathing exercise as above with it. You can even visualize a control panel in your mind which has dials on it with for example ”Volume” and “Tone” and make sure you turn the dials down to 1 or 0.

There are of course other factors such as anxiety linked with not sleeping which would take a while to read through that’s why I only write shorts blogs.

Simple things also help like is your bed and bedding comfy ,if not change them.

I hope this has helped.

If you feel you would like my help please contact me for a free consultation HERE or for an appointment.

Adam Cowming

www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

Relax

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What does the word relax mean to you?

Hello again,

Sorry for the delay with this blog but i’ve been very busy with my therapy business plus I’ve had a holiday as well. Enjoy.

With modern lives so busy and people rushing around so much these days I’m finding increasing numbers of clients coming to see me because of stress and stress/anxiety related issues such as IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), so what the answer?

Learning to slow down a bit will help, as well as other things such things as relaxation techniques. People just don’t seem to take any time for themselves, then wonder why they are tired and feeling washed out. The body and mind needed a certain amount of time to rest and relax as well apart from sleep.

I tell clients to take 10 to 15 minutes a day to learn to relax and take time out for themselves. It is important not to fall asleep during this time out so the body learns it can relax without falling to sleep. Try this easy exercise.

Find somewhere comfortable where you will not be disturbed during the exercise, if necessary tell who you live with family etc than you don’t want to be disturbed and to be considerate to your needs. Lie down or sit in a comfy chair, place your hands on your lower stomach. Breathe in through your nose so that your stomach rises, this mean than you will be breathing from the bottom of the lungs not the top. Hold the breath for a couple of seconds then slowly breathe out. Repeat these 3 or 4 times then allow your breathing to go back to normal. Concentrate on different parts of the body allowing these to relax one by one starting with the top of your head and working all the way down to the tips of your toes. Image you are in a wonderfully relaxing a safe place, I like to think of myself lying on a beach sunbathing. Just allow yourself 10 to 15 minutes of relaxing this way every day making part of your lifestyle. Try not to fall asleep as relaxation is different to sleep so you don’t want to associate relaxing with going to sleep although you may find it hard not to drop off at first.

Learn to relax this way is very beneficial to mental health and can help with a whole range of issues even helping people out of depression, helping with anxiety and stress. You can even do a mini relaxation for a few minutes if you not got 15 minutes, a little is better than nothing.

This is a wonderfully easy and powerful exercise that anyone can do at home or even in their lunch break at work.

Ask yourself are you worth 15 minutes a day?

Get my free “Stress Buster” Mp3 audio here

Adam Cowming

Website  www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

My Journey

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My Journey to becoming a hypnotherapist and coach.

Hi and welcome to my blog again.

This time around I thought I would do something slightly different than the other blogs.

I get many people who seem to ask me the same question and it always is along the same lines when they hear I’m a hypnotherapist “How did you get into that then?”

In this blog I’m attaching a video answering all of those questions on my journey.

I made the video a while ago but didn’t really do anything with it.

So here it is, just be aware there is a bit promoting some courses on it but that not to near the end. I did the video for something else and never used it that why it’s on there.

Thanks for watching and if you need any help just contact me HERE

Adam Cowming

Website www.blhypnotherapy.co.uk

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